Green’s Dictionary of Slang

squirt n.

1. as a bodily function.

(a) (also the squirts) as the squirt, diarrhoea.

[UK]‘Mr. S’ Gammer Gurton’s Needle in Whitworth (1997) I ii: See, so cham arrayed with dabbling in the dirt! She that set me ditching, ich would she had the squirt.
[UK]Rowlands Diogenes Lanthorne 6: They two come leysurely (with the pox) behinde, but all will meete together anone to make worke for the Chirurgion, who will answer their loose bodyes with the squirt.
[pamphlet title] Taylors Physicke has Purged the Divel. Or, the Divell has got the Squirt.
[UK]Mercurius Fumigosus 6 5 July 46: Mistris Squirtington, so miserably troubled with the yellows, that she lives in perpetual fear lest her husband should act the Town-Bull of Smithfield, and ride every jade he comes near.
[UK]Wandring Whore I 7: Lighting a pipe of Tobacco [he] gave those many-footed vermin (arising from inbred Lechery) such a rout at her Cinque ports, by thrusting in the small end of his pipe into one hole, then into the other, blowing the smoke at the other end of his Pipe, that they never durst venture to inhabit those Continents since. But to add to this frolick, the smoke occasioned such a squirt, that the heat and fury thereof scalded this gentleman’s beard cleer away from his chin.
[UK]R. Dixon Canidia ii 23: Though lord and Lady have the Squirt, / Leav’um in the Dark and Dirt.
[UK] in D’Urfey Pills to Purge Melancholy V 311: I cure all Ills [...] The Cramp, the Stitch, The Squirt, the Itch, the Gout, the Stone, the Pox, the Mulligrubs, the Bonny Scrubs, and all.
[UK] ‘The Mountebank Song’ in Farmer Merry Songs and Ballads (1897) V 154: I cure all Ills [...] The Squirt, the Itch, the Gout, the Stone.
[UK]Laugh and Be Fat 149: [as cit. 1719].
[UK]Sterne Tristram Shandy (1949) 202: Dr. Slop fumbled so vilely [...] in pulling out his forceps, his forceps unfortunately drew out the squirt along with it.
[UK]C. Hindley Life and Adventures of a Cheap Jack 256: I saw a ram that had the squirts.
[US]Maledicta VIII 96: The most effective slang terms for diarrhea are onomatopoetic […] Farmer and Henley list […] squirt [...] cf. the modern student slang, Hershey squirts, which is phonetically and visually vivid.
[UK]Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 87 Dec. n.p.: squirts n. The condition also known as the sour apple quick step. Also squitters, squite.
OnLine Dict. of Playground Sl. [Internet] squits, squirts n. diarrohea.
[US]F.X. Toole Pound for Pound 218: His ass was convulsed with diarrhea. Each time he got back to bed, he’d start up with the [...] squirts.

(b) (orig. US) ejaculation; semen.

[US]‘Marry’s Cat’ Bawdy N.Y. State MS. n.p.: But Marry kept hers [i.e. her ‘cat’] closely hid, / Beneath her under-skirt, / And thus did puss escape the boys, / And never get a single squirt.
[Aus](con. 1940s–60s) Hogbotel & ffuckes ‘Poor Little Angeline’ in Snatches and Lays 38: She raised her skirt to avoid the dirt, / As she tripped between the puddles of the Squire’s last squirt.
[US]S. King It (1987) 389: Two pumps a tickle and a squirt, that was ole Sammy’s motto.
[US]J. Stahl Permanent Midnight 18: Mister Footlong works up a squirt.

(c) (Aus.) an act of vomiting.

[Aus]J. Hibberd White with Wire Wheels (1973) 155: I’d be careful in there, chief. Step between the Squire’s last squirt and all that.

(d) an act of urination.

[Aus]A. Buzo Front Room Boys Scene i: You’d get a fat as you went in and it’d take about twenty minutes to have a squirt.
[US]S. King Dreamcatcher 69: You need to take a squirt, partner?

2. as a person, usu. derog.

(a) (orig. US) a dandy, a fop.

[UK]J. Gay Trivia (1716) Bk II 31: Pleas’d Sempstresses the Lock’s fam’d Rape unfold; And Squirts read Garth, ’till Apozems grow cold.
[US]W.T. Thompson Major Jones’s Courtship 160: If they won’t keep company with squirts and dandies, who’s going to make a monkey of himself? [note squirt here was changed to fop in 1872 edn].
[US]H.L. Williams Black-Eyed Beauty 25: One of the young ‘squirts,’ attache of the British Embassy.
[US]G.D. Chase ‘Cape Cod Dialect’ in DN II:vi 428: squirt, n. A foppish young fellow.

(b) (also pop-squirt) a small, insignificant person or, occas., place or thing.

W. North Slave of the Lamp 25: He’s a galvanised squirt, and as the parson said, the truth ain’t in him.
[UK]Derry Jrnl 23 Oct. 4/2: ‘Don’t take on airs, you little squirt!’.
[US]Flynt & Walton Powers That Prey 77: Dodd gast that squirt of a wheel.
[US]J.W. Carr ‘Word-List from Hampstead, N.H.’ in DN III iii 196: pop-squirt, n. [...] 2. A pert, conceited man of small physique. ‘What do I care about that little pop-squirt? He’s nobody to me.’.
[US]S.E. White Riverman 3: You, Purdy, set down; and you, young squirt, subside!
[US]O. Johnson Varmint 362: He is the most useless, pestiferous, conceited little squirt I ever saw.
[Aus]Sun. Times (Perth) 30 July 1s/1: Dry up, you squirt, / You give us the pip.
[UK]Wodehouse Carry on, Jeeves 202: She married my Uncle Thomas – between ourselves a bit of a squirt.
[US]D. Runyon ‘The Lily of St. Pierre’ in Runyon on Broadway (1954) 135: A little squirt of a burg.
[US]E. Anderson Thieves Like Us (1999) 63: Every time I pick up a paper I see that damned little Squirt’s name.
[US]F. Brown Fabulous Clipjoint (1949) 160: You young squirt, what do you mean walking off on me?
[US]W. Burroughs Naked Lunch (1968) 79: You young squirts couldn’t lance a pimple.
[US]B. Hecht Gaily, Gaily 96: That murdering little squirt will go to trial with a broken jaw and an ear missing.
[US]R. Crumb Treasure Island Days in Coffee Table Art Book (1997) 21: You better watch yer mouth, squirt! Ya little shit!
[UK]Dandy Comic Library No. 142 51: Give these squirts a big squirt!
[US]S. Morgan Homeboy 361: A little squirt with wirerimmed spectacles.
[UK]N. Griffiths Grits 422: Malcolm Baker, wharra squirt. He wears lipstick and a skirt.
[UK]K. Richards Life 48: If you’re a squirt like I was you’re always on the defensive.

(c) a general insult, irrespective of size.

S. Anderson Poor White 87: The young squirt was always a Smart-Aleck and a blowhard.
[US]Dos Passos Three Soldiers 28: ‘Who’s that?’ ‘That big squirt Anderson they made a file closer at drill yesterday. He seems te think that just because Ah’m littler than him he can do anything he likes with me.’.

3. very cheap but still effective beer [it squirts from the beer-tap].

[UK]Flash Mirror 19: N.B. A barrel of squirt, and the Tap Tub paper kept.
[UK]Swell’s Night Guide 110/2: Belch, malt liquor, squirt, heavy, gatter.
[Aus]Stephens & O’Brien Materials for a Dict. of Aus. Sl. [unpub. ms.] 145: SQUIRT a nickname for colonial beer slang.
[UK]Partridge DSUE (1984) 1140/1: from ca. 1920.

4. (US campus) a showy recitation.

[US]B.H. Hall College Words (rev. edn) 443: squirt. [...] a showy recitation [...] the ease and quickness with which the words flow from the mouth being analagous to the ease and quickness which attend the sudden ejection of a stream of water from a pipe.
[US]G.H. Tripp Student-Life at Harvard 26: He couldn’t have read a word, but, as luck would have it, did make a regular ‘squirt’ on another passage [DA].

5. champagne [it squirts from the bottle].

[UK]Swell’s Night Guide 75: Not that I minds a drain, or a bag of squirt.
[UK]J. Ware Passing Eng. of the Victorian Era 232/2: Squirt (Doubtful Soc., 1870). One of the onomatopoetic titles of champagne suggested by its uppishness.

6. a doctor, a chemist [their use of syringes].

[UK]G.J. Whyte-Melville Digby Grand (1890) 57: Dr Squirt, the quaintest, jolliest ‘medico’ that ever handled lancet.
[UK]Hotten Dict. of Modern Sl. etc.
[UK]Hotten Sl. Dict.
[UK]R.S. Surtees Facey Romford’s Hounds 376: It is little Tommy Squirt, the Union Doctor.
[UK]Sl. Dict.
[UK]J. Ware Passing Eng. of the Victorian Era 232/1: Squirt (L. Class, 18 cent.). Doctor.

7. in context of weaponry.

(a) (later use mainly Aus.) a revolver; also attrib. [it squirts bullets].

[UK]‘The City Youth’ in Out-and-Outer in Spedding & Watt (eds) Bawdy Songbooks (2011) IV 140: She buys a brace of squirts and sends the kiddy on the road.
[US]O.W. Holmes Poet of the Breakfast Table 288: He gave me to understand that pop guns were played out, but that he had got a squirt and a whip.
[Aus]Dead Bird (Sydney) 28 Sept. 6/2: ‘The man who comes in will get the contents of this squirt.’ The squirt, it was soon made known, was a revolver.
[Aus]‘Rolf Boldrewood’ Colonial Reformer I 131: Casting the revolver away [he] said, ‘Damn the --- squirt! I wish I had never seen it.’.
[UK]J. Conrad Heart of Darkness 81: The fusillade below stopped short, as I had foreseen when the squirts got empty.
[Aus]Bulletin (Sydney) 1 Oct. 14/3: This cruel chat scalded th’ bunny expert, ’n’ ’e whirled out t’ graft dead willin’. With a pois’nous glare ’e bawled, ‘A dollar to a dog chain I plant a squirt pill tighter t’ th’ bull’s optic th’n you, Mister!’.
[Aus]A.W. Upfield House of Cain 92: Well, you have your squirt handy.
[US]J. Greenway ‘Aus. Cattle Lingo’ in AS XXXIII:3 168: squirt, n. A gun.

(b) (Aus.) a bayonet.

[Aus](con. WWI) A.G. Pretty Gloss. Sl. [...] in the A.I.F. 1921–1924 (rev. t/s) n.p.: christen the squirt. To bayonet a man for the first time with that particular bayonet.

(c) gunfire.

[Aus](con. 1940s) ‘David Forrest’ Last Blue Sea 94: Thanks for that squirt you gave him, Mitch.

8. (N.Z.) petrol [it squirts from the pump].

[NZ]B. Crump Hang On a Minute, Mate (1963) 111: We’ve got a few bob in the kick and enough squirt in the old bus to get us around the country.

9. (US drugs) an injectable narcotic.

[[Aus]Truth (Brisbane) 19 Apr. 9/3: Opium and cockane you see. / With that morphia squirtin-habit / Were Indulged In frequently.
[US]F.X. Toole Pound for Pound 61: Eloy had started to use some of the squirt on himself.

In derivatives

squirtish (adj.)

(US campus) ostentatious.

[US]J.S. Robb Streaks of Squatter Life 73: It’s my opinion that these slicked up squirtish kind a fellars ain’t particular hard baked.
[US]B.H. Hall College Words (rev. edn) 444: squirtish. Showy, dandified.

In compounds

squirt game (n.)

drinking the cheapest forms of alcohol for intoxication’s sake alone.

F. Norman Lives of F. Norman 99: I took to chewing the contents of benzedrine inhalers, and drinking scrumpy [...] I was not the only one on the squirt game.

In phrases

do a squeeze and a squirt (v.) [note Williams for 17C/18C use of squirt to mean ejaculate]

to have intercourse.

[UK]Farmer & Henley Sl. and Its Analogues VI 339/2: To do a squeeze and a squirt [...] (venery).—To copulate.
head squirt (n.)

(US) an important figure, a manager.

[US]J. London Valley of the Moon (1914) 175: The Head Squirt [...] fires more questions. Did I belong to a labor union?—ME?
on the squirt

(Aus.) out drinking.

[Aus]M.B. ‘Chopper’ Read Chopper 4 17: I came home after a night on the squirt, had a piss in the sink, [etc.].
squirt ’n’ spurt (n.)

(US) masturbation; thus play squirt ’n’ spurt v., to masturbate.

[US]Alt. Eng. Dict. [Internet] squirt -n- spurt (verb) masturbation (particularly when the cum spurts out). ‘John was playing squirt -n- spurt last night, in bed.’.
wild squirt (n.)

diarrhoea.

[UK]Motteux (trans.) Pantagruelian Prognostication (1927) II 690: Those who are troubled with the thorough-go-nimble, or wild squirt, will often prostitute their blind cheeks to the bog-house.
[UK]N. Ward Compleat and Humorous Account of Remarkable Clubs (1756) 289: She drank twenty Pitchers of Wort out of the Tun [...] and that it never gave her the Wild-Squirt.
[UK]Grose Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue.
[UK]Lex. Balatronicum.
[UK]Egan Grose’s Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue.