Green’s Dictionary of Slang

(a) (also the squirts) as the squirt, diarrhoea.

1575		‘Mr. S’ Gammer Gurton’s Needle in Whitworth (1997) I ii: See, so cham arrayed with dabbling in the dirt! She that set me ditching, ich would she had the squirt.
1607		Rowlands Diogenes Lanthorne 6: They two come leysurely (with the pox) behinde, but all will meete together anone to make worke for the Chirurgion, who will answer their loose bodyes with the squirt.
1641		[pamphlet title] Taylors Physicke has Purged the Divel. Or, the Divell has got the Squirt.
1654		Mercurius Fumigosus 6 5 July 46: Mistris Squirtington, so miserably troubled with the yellows, that she lives in perpetual fear lest her husband should act the Town-Bull of Smithfield, and ride every jade he comes near.
1660		Wandring Whore I 7: Lighting a pipe of Tobacco [he] gave those many-footed vermin (arising from inbred Lechery) such a rout at her Cinque ports, by thrusting in the small end of his pipe into one hole, then into the other, blowing the smoke at the other end of his Pipe, that they never durst venture to inhabit those Continents since. But to add to this frolick, the smoke occasioned such a squirt, that the heat and fury thereof scalded this gentleman’s beard cleer away from his chin.
c.1663		‘Iter Hibernicum’ in Carpenter Verse in English from Tudor & Stuart Eng. (2003) 383: That they did get a Squirt most Wofull, / Turning their Bumms o’re side of low stool / In which stood Pan.
1683		R. Dixon Canidia ii 23: Though lord and Lady have the Squirt, / Leav’um in the Dark and Dirt.
1719		in D’Urfey Pills to Purge Melancholy V 311: I cure all Ills [...] The Cramp, the Stitch, The Squirt, the Itch, the Gout, the Stone, the Pox, the Mulligrubs, the Bonny Scrubs, and all.
c.1720		‘The Mountebank Song’ in Farmer Merry Songs and Ballads (1897) V 154: I cure all Ills [...] The Squirt, the Itch, the Gout, the Stone.
1733		Laugh and Be Fat 149: [as cit. 1719].
1759–67		Sterne Tristram Shandy (1949) 202: Dr. Slop fumbled so vilely [...] in pulling out his forceps, his forceps unfortunately drew out the squirt along with it.
1876		C. Hindley Life and Adventures of a Cheap Jack 256: I saw a ram that had the squirts.
1984–5		Maledicta VIII 96: The most effective slang terms for diarrhea are onomatopoetic […] Farmer and Henley list […] squirt [...] cf. the modern student slang, Hershey squirts, which is phonetically and visually vivid.
1997		Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 87 Dec. n.p.: squirts n. The condition also known as the sour apple quick step. Also squitters, squite.
2001		OnLine Dict. of Playground Sl. 🌐 squits, squirts n. diarrohea.
2006		F.X. Toole Pound for Pound 218: His ass was convulsed with diarrhea. Each time he got back to bed, he’d start up with the [...] squirts.

(b) ejaculation; semen.

1790		‘Bumper Allnight. Esquire’ Honest Fellow 9: His meddlesome squirt shall whitewash you each bout.
1793		Bacchanalian Mag. 98: Original and selected Toasts and Sentiments [...] The quintessence of Love — A shake like a fiddler’s elbow, and a squirt like a fire engine.
1905–07		‘Marry’s Cat’ Bawdy N.Y. State MS. n.p.: But Marry kept hers [i.e. her ‘cat’] closely hid, / Beneath her under-skirt, / And thus did puss escape the boys, / And never get a single squirt.
1973		(con. 1940s–60s) Hogbotel & ffuckes ‘Poor Little Angeline’ in Snatches and Lays 38: She raised her skirt to avoid the dirt, / As she tripped between the puddles of the Squire’s last squirt.
1986		S. King It (1987) 389: Two pumps a tickle and a squirt, that was ole Sammy’s motto.
1995		J. Stahl Permanent Midnight 18: Mister Footlong works up a squirt.

(c) (Aus.) an act of vomiting.

1967

J. Hibberd White with Wire Wheels (1973) 155: I’d be careful in there, chief. Step between the Squire’s last squirt and all that.

(d) an act of urination.

1960		A. Buzo Front Room Boys Scene i: You’d get a fat as you went in and it’d take about twenty minutes to have a squirt.
2001		S. King Dreamcatcher 69: You need to take a squirt, partner?

(a) (orig. US) a dandy, a fop.

1712		J. Gay Trivia (1716) Bk II 31: Pleas’d Sempstresses the Lock’s fam’d Rape unfold; And Squirts read Garth, ’till Apozems grow cold.
1843		W.T. Thompson Major Jones’s Courtship 160: If they won’t keep company with squirts and dandies, who’s going to make a monkey of himself? [note squirt here was changed to fop in 1872 edn].
1868		H.L. Williams Black-Eyed Beauty 25: One of the young ‘squirts,’ attache of the British Embassy.
1904		G.D. Chase ‘Cape Cod Dialect’ in DN II:vi 428: squirt, n. A foppish young fellow.

(b) (also pop-squirt) a small, insignificant person or, occas., place or thing.

1830		Ely’s Hawk & Buzzard (NY) 26 June 2/1: The young squirt [...] had better take care how he abuses the young ladies’ characters.
1842		Whip & Satirist of NY & Brooklyn (NY) 2 Apr. n.p.: The young nurse is seated, and so is the squirt.
1854		W. North Slave of the Lamp 25: He’s a galvanised squirt, and as the parson said, the truth ain’t in him.
1861		Derry Jrnl 23 Oct. 4/2: ‘Don’t take on airs, you little squirt!’.
1900		Flynt & Walton Powers That Prey 77: Dodd gast that squirt of a wheel.
1907		J.W. Carr ‘Word-List from Hampstead, N.H.’ in DN III iii 196: pop-squirt, n. [...] 2. A pert, conceited man of small physique. ‘What do I care about that little pop-squirt? He’s nobody to me.’.
1908		S.E. White Riverman 3: You, Purdy, set down; and you, young squirt, subside!
1910		O. Johnson Varmint 362: He is the most useless, pestiferous, conceited little squirt I ever saw.
1916		Sun. Times (Perth) 30 July 1s/1: Dry up, you squirt, / You give us the pip.
1925		Wodehouse Carry on, Jeeves 202: She married my Uncle Thomas – between ourselves a bit of a squirt.
1931		D. Runyon ‘The Lily of St. Pierre’ in Runyon on Broadway (1954) 135: A little squirt of a burg.
1937		E. Anderson Thieves Like Us (1999) 63: Every time I pick up a paper I see that damned little Squirt’s name.
1939		Wodehouse Uncle Fred in the Springtime 308: ‘The frightful little squirt’.
1941		G. Kersh They Die with Their Boots Clean 68: Well, answer, you unsociable lot of squirts!
1947		F. Brown Fabulous Clipjoint (1949) 160: You young squirt, what do you mean walking off on me?
1959		W. Burroughs Naked Lunch (1968) 79: You young squirts couldn’t lance a pimple.
1963		B. Hecht Gaily, Gaily 96: That murdering little squirt will go to trial with a broken jaw and an ear missing.
1978		R. Crumb Treasure Island Days in Coffee Table Art Book (1997) 21: You better watch yer mouth, squirt! Ya little shit!
1989		Dandy Comic Library No. 142 51: Give these squirts a big squirt!
1990		S. Morgan Homeboy 361: A little squirt with wirerimmed spectacles.
2000		N. Griffiths Grits 422: Malcolm Baker, wharra squirt. He wears lipstick and a skirt.
2005		Irish Indep. (Dublin) 22 June 15/1: [headline] What a little squirt (or why do we all hate Tom Cruise?).
2010		K. Richards Life 48: If you’re a squirt like I was you’re always on the defensive.
2012		J. Hodgkins ‘Peek-a-Boo’ in ThugLit Dec. [ebook] I used to see this little squirt in every seedy OTB [...] on the East Side.
2018		T. Pluck ‘Hot Rod Heart’ in Life During Wartime 104: ‘How’d the squirt get his hands on a bombshell like you?’.
2023		M. Herron Secret Hours 71: That – let’s be frank – squirt Kyle looked like he’d let a squirrel do his tie.

(c) a general insult, irrespective of size.

1920		S. Anderson Poor White 87: The young squirt was always a Smart-Aleck and a blowhard.
1921		Dos Passos Three Soldiers 28: ‘Who’s that?’ ‘That big squirt Anderson they made a file closer at drill yesterday. He seems te think that just because Ah’m littler than him he can do anything he likes with me.’.

(a) (later use mainly Aus.) a revolver; also attrib. [it squirts bullets].

1833		‘The City Youth’ in Out-and-Outer in Spedding & Watt (eds) Bawdy Songbooks (2011) IV 140: She buys a brace of squirts and sends the kiddy on the road.
1872		O.W. Holmes Poet of the Breakfast Table 288: He gave me to understand that pop guns were played out, but that he had got a squirt and a whip.
1889		Dead Bird (Sydney) 28 Sept. 6/2: ‘The man who comes in will get the contents of this squirt.’ The squirt, it was soon made known, was a revolver.
1890		‘Rolf Boldrewood’ Colonial Reformer I 131: Casting the revolver away [he] said, ‘Damn the --- squirt! I wish I had never seen it.’.
1908		Bulletin (Sydney) 1 Oct. 14/3: This cruel chat scalded th’ bunny expert, ’n’ ’e whirled out t’ graft dead willin’. With a pois’nous glare ’e bawled, ‘A dollar to a dog chain I plant a squirt pill tighter t’ th’ bull’s optic th’n you, Mister!’.
1914		Sport (Adelaide) 15 May 2/1: There were pickpockets and guns galore at Morphettville, but some of these gentry are reputed squirt carriers.
1928		A.W. Upfield House of Cain 92: Well, you have your squirt handy.
1935		Thieves Slang ms list from District Police Training Centre, Ryton-on-Dunsmore, Warwicks 10: Squirt: Revolver or pistol.
1957		J. Greenway ‘Aus. Cattle Lingo’ in AS XXXIII:3 168: squirt, n. A gun.

(b) a repeating rifle.

1899

J. Conrad ‘The Heart of Darkness’ in Blackwood’s Mag. Mar. 493/2: The fusillade below stopped short, as I had foreseen when the squirts got empty.

(c) (Aus.) a bayonet.

1924

(con. WWI) A.G. Pretty Gloss. Sl. [...] in the A.I.F. 1921–1924 (rev. t/s) n.p.: christen the squirt. To bayonet a man for the first time with that particular bayonet.

(d) gunfire.

1959

(con. 1940s) ‘David Forrest’ Last Blue Sea 94: Thanks for that squirt you gave him, Mitch.