Green’s Dictionary of Slang

the penis.

1946

in Randolph & Legman Ozark Folksongs and Folklore (1992) I 444: It’s as long as your arm an’ big as your thigh, / An’ the bald-headed bastard ain’t got but one eye.

a portion of butter in which there are no hairs.

1871		Cornish Teleg. 1 Nov. 4/7: American News [...] A guest at a western hotel, finding a long hair in the butter, ordered the waiter to bring him some ‘bald-headed butter’.
1909		J. Ware Passing Eng. of the Victorian Era.

the penis, esp. an uncircumcised penis.

1656		M. Parker ‘Pope’s Pedigree’ in Chappell Roxburghe Ballads (1874) II 256: The Nun she chanc’d to stumble, and laying bare her Rump, / The ball’d pate Fryer bob’d her, / and so begat a Monk.
1700		‘The Riddle’ in Playford Pills to Purge Melancholy II 72: ’Tis a Fryer with a bald-Head, [...] It is Gun that shoots point-blank; / It hits betwixt a Woman’s Flank.
1719		in D’Urfey Pills to Purge Melancholy IV 72: ’Tis a Fryer with a Bald-Head, / A Staff to beat a Cuckold Dead. [Ibid.] 196: If you will not let black Maggy alone, Beshrew she will take you by th’ Bald-Pate.
1732-1820		Order of the Beggar's Benison and Merryland (1892) 17: Dinner Sentiments [...] May our Bald-headed Hermit, when he enters his cell, fervently pour forth his Essence of Devotion.
1834		‘Rummy Toasts’ in Flare-Up Songster in Spedding & Watt (eds) Bawdy Songbooks (2011) IV 296: The bald-headed priest, who goes in head foremost, and leaves his wig at the door.
1857		Venus’ Miscellany (NY) 31 Jan. n.p.: Here is to the hoary-headed hermit, who never enters his mossy cell without dropping a tear.
1890–1904		Farmer & Henley Sl. and Its Analogues.
1896		Farmer Vocabula Amatoria (1966) 102: Éculse, f. The penis; ‘the bald-headed hermit’.
c.1904		A. Crowley Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden 23: Take out that bald-headed hermit! (he interrupted himself) Whack it up! Wollop it in!
1934		(con. 1920s) J.T. Farrell Young Manhood in Studs Lonigan (1936) 295: I was talking about the bald-headed sailor.
1943		in Randolph & Legman Ozark Folksongs and Folklore (1992) II 673: Rise up, Baldy, bold and brave, / Between these two white thighs you shall dig your grave.
1999		D. Lypchuk ‘A dirty little story’ in eye mag. 8 July 🌐 After he cleaned up the kitchen, he admired her crumpet and had some sugar bowl pie. Then he stuck his bald-headed hermit into her artichoke again.
1999		People (Sydney) 5 July 65/3: The holy humper - who’s got six sprogs - also reckons it’s A-OK for chicks to get down on their knees and pray before the bald-headed god of love.
2012		Metro 22 May 37/2: Shouldn’t we be celebrating the schmuck? Bigging up the bald-headed mouse? Euologising the yoghurt-spitting sausage?

(US tramp) a parcel of food containing only the basics, with no ‘sweets’ such as cake or pie.

1931		Irwin Amer. Tramp and Und. Sl. 21: Bald-headed Lump.—A ‘lump’ or package of food given a tramp which contains nothing but coarse, hearty food, without pie, cake, or other sweets.
1935		J. Conroy World to Win 88: You little rat! Bring me back a bald-headed lump, will you? Robbin’ the mail, eh? Where’s the rest of it?

(US gay) the erect penis.

1985		‘Jennifer Blowdryer’ Modern English 72: genitalia: male (n): Bald headed mouse.
1989–2003		R.O. Scott Gay Sl. Dict. 🌐 bald-headed mouse: synonym for erection of the penis.

the men, stereotyped as old, who take the front row of a burlesque or similar show.

1879		Cincinnati Dly Star (OH) 31 July 4/3: Lydia Thompson calls the bald headed row of old men in the front seat ‘Kind Words,’ because they never dye.
1882		Olean Democrat (NY) 18 July 1/5: You are attacking bald-headed men [...] because they get powerful opera glasses and sit in the front seat at the female minstrel performances [...] A day or two of sin to the old offender on bald headed row does not matter.
1886		Nat. Police Gaz. (NY) 25 Sept. 2/2: A good deal of Louise has been seen for the money by the various baldheaded brigades of the country,aud she wants to give her solid charms a rest.
1886		Nat. Police Gaz. (NY) 23 Oct. 2/2: His manager, Joe Levy, President of the bald-headed club.
[1889		Music Hall & Theatre Rev. 23 Mar. 85/2: [W]e must take exception to the paper's statement about bald-pated roues paying half-a-guinea for seats at halls in the West End].
1892		Olathe Mirror (KS) 2 June 3/6: About the only thing left to him now is the ‘bald-headed’ row in the parquette when there is a ‘bald legged’ show.
1901		Bulletin (Sydney) 7 Sept. 32/1: Now this is a song for the Bald Brigade / That carries a gold-knobbed stick, / And gathers at halls of the leg-show grade / Where Totties spring forth and kick.
1904		Sydney Sportsman (Surry Hills, NSW) 5 Oct. 2/3: [T]he one who wears petticoats turns somersaults and stands on her hands, quite long enough for bald-headed Johnniedom to count the frills on her unmentionables.
1908		K. McGaffey Sorrows of a Show Girl Ch. iv: If this person would [...] stop trying to be a very dear friend to the whole bald-headed department during the opening chorus, she’d be all right and might get a job with a medicine show.
1926		Wood & Goddard Dict. Amer. Sl. 4: bald-headed row. Front row at a girlie leg show.
1930		‘Dean Stiff’ Milk and Honey Route 151: Silk stocking slummers have just about monopolized the baldheaded seats in the pit.
1942		W. Winchell On Broadway 3 Apr. [synd. col.] Flank movement was what drew the bald heads to the front rows at the burlee-q.
1951		(con. 1911) Green & Laurie Show Biz from Vaude to Video 61: He changed the name of his show in rehearsal, The Belle of Bald-Headed Row to Miss Nobody From Starland.
1953		‘John Eagle’ Hoodlums (2021) 111: Phony as the baldheaded row in the conventions away from home.

to masturbate.

1998

‘Mike Chuck’ Master List 🌐 a.k.a. the masturbator list [...] wrestle with the bald champ.