Green’s Dictionary of Slang

John Thomas n.

also john thomas

1. (also John Thomson, Master John Thomas, Saint John Thomas, Sir Thomas) the penis.

[UK]Urquhart (trans.) Gargantua and Pantagruel (1927) Bk I Ch. xvii: Then, with a smile, he undid his magnificent codpiece and, bringing out his john-thomas, pissed on them.
[UK]J. Ray Proverbs (2nd edn) 377: Of effeminate persons. He is John Thomsones man, coutching carle. He wears short hose.
[UK]song title in Flash Olio in Spedding & Watt (eds) Bawdy Songbooks (2011) III 185: John Thomas and Peggy Perkins.
[UK]Pearl I:1 (1968) 5: Her eyes seemed to start with terror at the sudden apparition of Mr. John Thomas.
[UK]‘Three Chums’ in Boudoir I 4: How she threw her legs over my buttocks, and heaved up to meet every push of John Thomas.
[UK]‘Walter’ My Secret Life (1966) VIII 1690: ‘John Thomas,’ the procreator, poker, pego, penis, of the male.
[UK]Forbidden Fruit n.p.: Mr. John Thomas was excited.
[UK]‘Suzan Aked’ The Simple Tale of Suzan Aked 182: ‘I am sure Susan would like to make his acquaintance, and that of holy Saint John Thomas too!’.
[UK]‘Ramrod’ Family Connections 8: She tickled the thread of the penis with her tongue. Master John Thomas began to jump and swell.
[UK]C. Prendergast Sadopaideia 2: I felt what seemed a deliberate pressure of her thigh against my left trouser. John Thomas responded at once.
[Ire]Joyce Ulysses 405: Of John Thomas, her spouse. No fake, old man Leo.
[UK]D.H. Lawrence ‘The Little Wowser’ in Pansies in Complete Poems 493: There is a little wowser / John Thomas by name [...] I think of all the little brutes / as ever was invented / that little cod’s the holy worst.
[NZ]D. Davin For the Rest of Our Lives 300: Pleased as punch he was too because the kid had such a fine John Thomas on him.
[UK] ‘The Ball of Kerrimuir’ in ‘Count P. Vicarion’ Bawdy Ballads XXI: The village cripple he was there, / But he didn’t shag too much, / His old John Thomas had fallen off / So he fucked ’em with his crutch.
[UK]L. Dunne Goodbye to the Hill (1986) 80: The way some of them used to gape you’d think I was giving them a flash of the john thomas or something.
[UK]B.S. Johnson All Bull 65: As between her white legs my position I took / And Sir Thomas I silently buried.
[UK](con. 1940s–50s) J. Braine Waiting for Sheila (1977) 64: ‘The man gets out his John Thomas –’ he giggled. [Ibid.] 119: You’d no sooner got out of the car than she whipped out my John Thomas.
[UK]J. McClure Spike Island (1981) 140: There’s his John Thomas, standin’ to attention.
[US]‘Jennifer Blowdryer’ Modern English 72: genitalia: male (n): John Thomas.
[Aus]Penguin Bk of Aus. Jokes 448: The VD removed my John Thomas – nothing left to dangle.
[UK]B. Thacker Confessions of a Tour Leader 282: He then delicately pulled out his John Thomas, dipped it in his beer, swirled it around, took it out, shook it, and plopped it back in his pants.
[UK]Metro 22 May 37/2: I’ve already discovered how to accurately gauge the length of a man’s John Thomas.
[UK]J. Meades Empty Wigs (t/s) 155: ‘Let me see your john thomas Halfhead’.

2. a liveried servant [generic name or ? like the former, the latter ‘stands’ in the presence of a lady].

[UK]Jersey Indep. 9 Dec. 4: Here was John Thomas, once the cynosure of housmeaids’ eyes — once honoured, perchance, by countesses with commands to bring up coal scuttles.
[UK]R. Surtees Plain or Ringlets (1926) 4: John Thomas his calves revised and hair powdered after the toils of unpacking.
[UK]Five Years’ Penal Servitude 266: A very short residence in the house will tell John Thomas if the ‘thing is to be done or not’.
[UK]Echo 18 Apr. 1/5: Pity the sorrows of a poor flunkey! [...] Who would have thought, to see john thomas [...] sunning himself on the forms provided for his use outside the shops in Regent Street, that he was a sufferer from many hours of confinement indoors [F&H].