Green’s Dictionary of Slang

wood n.1

1. money [ref. to the barrels in which valuable liquor is stored].

[UK]‘Jon Bee’ Dict. of the Turf, the Ring, the Chase, etc.
[US]Goldin et al. DAUL 238/2: Wood. 1. Money. ‘That shylock made his bundle (fortune). He’s got plenty of wood stashed (hidden away).’.
[US]E. Torres Carlito’s Way 16: Rocco Fabrizi gave me a break into the big wood.

2. the pulpit.

implied in look over the wood
[UK]Lex. Balatronicum.
[UK]Egan Grose’s Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue.
[UK]Thackeray Newcomes (1868) 136: They say he’s a pleasant fellow out of the wood.
[UK]Sat. Rev. (London) 10 July 45/2: Mr. Beecher’s activity has not been altogether confined to what irreverent people call ‘the wood’ .
[UK]W. Rye Songs, Stories & Sayings of Norfolk 129: You are very good in flannel, Sir. I’ll come on Sunday, and see if you are as good in wood .

3. (US Und.) a beer keg, holding bootleg alcohol.

[US]Phila. Eve. Bulletin 5 Oct. 40/5: Here are a few more terms and definitions from the ‘Racket’ vocabulary: [...] ‘wood,’ a beer keg.

4. a police truncheon.

[US]Monteleone Criminal Sl. (rev. edn).

5. (also tree) the penis.

[[UK]Mercurius Democritus 21-28 Sept. 388: The third [Justice] was Mr. Faggot-stick, a worm-eaten Wood-monger, who some said with P—y’s nose did fire his Maide].
implied in put the wood to
[US]L. Kramer Faggots 251: Paulie’s now paler ass receiving it. Receiving what appears to be a major starring portion of tree.
[WI]L.E. Adams Jam. Patois 63: Wood, or Hood: penis.
[US]Mad mag. Apr. 22: Look at those broads. They want to play golf at the Masters. I got a nine iron for ’em. And I got a nice big wood.
[US]T.I. ‘At Ya Own Risk’ [lyrics] Kicking it with hotter bitches, all they get’s a lot of wood / Give it to ’em hardcore, all they do is holla good.

6. an erection; thus give/slip someone wood, of a man, to have sexual intercourse [the solidity of the erection].

[[UK] Nashe Choise of Valentines (1899) 13: And then he flue on hir as he were wood, And on hir breeche did hack and foyne a-good].
Beavis and Butthead cited on Usenet [Internet] Sometimes I get morning wood in the late afternoon.
Usenet groups I Mar. [Internet] April, man, April. I’m sporting wood just thinking about it.
[UK]‘Q’ Deadmeat 137: She [...] eased her knickers down her thighs and impaled herself on his wood.
www.thepantsman.com [Internet] With the innocent Swede standing in the kitchen [...] making me lunch and me admiring the view of her arse in her black skirt, wood was inevitable.
[US]C. Stella Rough Riders 14: I get off when she lies to me [...] If you want to know the truth, it’s what turns me on [...] Gives me wood.
[US]D. Winslow The Force [ebook] ‘[H]e has major wood poking out, I swear it’s getting bigger, like his dick is Pinocchio and just told a lie’.

Sexual terms

In phrases

catch wood (v.)

(US) to get an erection; thus in fig. use, to become extremely excited.

[US](con. 1986) G. Pelecanos Sweet Forever 50: Jumbo Linney’s beat-to-shit, primered ’82 Supra, the two-tone model that made Spics catch wood.
get wood (v.) (also have (good) wood)

to achieve an erection.

[UK]Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 87 Dec. n.p.: get wood v. To achieve an erection. As in: ‘Sorry love, I’m having trouble getting wood.’ Also get string.
[UK]Indep. Rev. 25 Feb. 4: How exactly did men – to use the delicate form of words used in the porn industry – get wood?
[UK]L. Theroux Call of the Weird (2006) 48: Can you get wood? [...] Can you get a hard-on the entire time? [Ibid.] 59: It’s my job to have good wood to do a scene.
[US](con. 1973) C. Stella Johnny Porno 91: I never get wood in here [i.e. strip club] [...] they’re skanks, most of the women they hire here.
[UK]S. Kelman Pigeon English 260: Hey, look now, Harr’s got wood!
give wood (v.)

to render erect.

[US]Mad mag. Feb. 45: Whoa! This cold cement is, like, giving me wood.
morning wood (n.)

(US) an erection of the penis first thing in the morning.

[US]Da Bomb [Internet] 31: Wood (woody): An erect penis. Every guy knows about morning wood.
[Ire]P. Howard PS, I Scored the Bridesmaids 11: There you have it. Fifty cures for the old morning wood.
[US] M. McBride Frank Sinatra in a Blender [ebook] I looked down at the morning wood stabbing through a hole in my boxers.
put the wood to (v.)

1. (US) of a man, to have sexual intercourse.

[US]T. Southern Blue Movie (1974) 13: Shrieking at the top of her voice, ‘Put the wood to me, B!’ [Ibid.] 246: ‘Put the wood to her, Sid!’ she screeched.

2. see also general phrs. below.

sport one’s wood (v.)

to display an erection (cf. sport a woodie under woodie n.2 ).

personal correspondence 7 July: sporting your wood (US) displaying a male erection. Heard in a pub from some foreign backpacker. As a colonial, of course I have no idea of the origin of this phrase. And I’m sure that you feel exactly the same. But beware, there may be that subtle antipodean wit on display in this paragraph.
take wood (v.)

to subject oneself to (anal) intercourse.

K. Koke ‘Are You Alone Fam’ [lyrics] [of a man] You turned bitch you probably should take wood.

General uses

In compounds

wood rash (n.)

(N.Z. prison) an injury inflicted by a truncheon.

[NZ]G. Newbold Big Huey 255: wood rash (n) Injury inflicted by a truncheon.

In phrases

lay the wood to (v.)

(US) to beat severely.

[US]A. Moore in Heller In This Corner (1974) 311: I beat him until I almost killed him [...] I was laying the wood to him and I racked him up.
put the wood to (v.) [image of hitting with a wooden club or truncheon] (US)

1. to punish, to coerce by threats.

[US]Chapman NDAS.

2. to cause serious trouble for.

[US]E. Torres Carlito’s Way 148: Then he put the wood to me.

3. see also sex phrs. above.

SE in slang uses

In compounds

wood butcher (n.)

a carpenter.

[US]S.E. White Blazed Trail 95: The blacksmith is also a good wood-butcher (carpenter).
[US] in ‘Jargon of the Und.’ in DN V.
[US]‘Dean Stiff’ Milk and Honey Route 217: Wood butcher – A carpenter. A hobo who can do odd repair jobs.
[US]P. Kendall Dict. Service Sl. n.p.: wood butcher . . . carpenter.
[NZ]G. Slatter Pagan Game (1969) 110: The woodwork instructor always referring to academic wallahs as though he were very much on the back foot for being a wood butcher.
wood duck (n.) [Aus. wood duck, technically classified as a maned goose, thus pun on SE goose, a fool]

1. (Aus.) a fool.

[Aus]R. Beckett Dinkum Aussie Dict. 57: Wood duck: Technically the Australian wood duck is classified as a maned goose. Thus anyone who is called a wood duck is a goose. An idiot.

2. (Aus. prison) an inexperienced prisoner.

[Aus]Tupper & Wortley Aus. Prison Sl. Gloss. [Internet] Wood duck. A naive prisoner.
woodheap (v.) [SE woodheap, a stack of firewood] (Aus.)

1. to ostracize a fellow worker; thus woodheaping n.

[Aus] Bulletin (Sydney) 9 Nov. 21/2: A shearer up Armidale way had been ‘woodheaped’ for refusing to take out his A.W.U. ticket. ‘Woodheaping’ is about as old as shearing in Australia. In pre-union days it was applied to the man who made himself a general nuisance [...] It consists in expelling the offender from the shearers’ mess, with the result that he has to have his meals in solitude, sitting on the woodheap, which lies behind every shed cookhouse.
[Aus]D. Whitington Treasure upon Earth 90: Mick inquired about the attitude of station owners on the roads leading south. ‘No handouts [...] They’ll woodheap you on Yarranook and Wineba, but the rest’ll turn the dogs on you.’ [AND].

2. to force an itinerant to chop firewood in return for food and accommodation.

[Aus]D. Whitington Strive to be Fair 114: ‘He’d woodheap yer’ [...] refers to a station boss too lousy to give you a feed for nothing. He puts you on the woodheap first [AND].
wood hick (n.) [SE wood(land) + hick n.1 (2)]

(US) a derog. term for a rustic, a peasant.

[US]H. Rawson Dict. of Invective (1991) 193: These include: [...] shitkicker, sodbuster, swamp angel, timber rat, woodchuck, and wood-hick (or -tick).
wood merchant (n.)

a street seller of matches.

[UK] ‘Six Years in the Prisons of England’ in Temple Bar Mag. Nov. 537: When he can’t go on that ‘racket,’ he’ll turn ‘mumper’ and wood merchant (which means a seller of lucifer matches).
[UK]Partridge DSUE (8th edn) 1348/2: [...] ca. 1875–1912.
wood-pussy (n.) (also woods-pussy) [lit. ‘wood-cat’]

(Can./US) a skunk, a polecat.

[US]Wentworth & Flexner DAS.
crap magnet Urban Dict. [Internet] wood pussy a skunk.

In phrases

have wood for (v.)

(US) to be obsessed with, usu. negatively.

[US]D. Winslow The Force [ebook] ‘You guys have wood for every real cop’.
poor as wood (adj.)

(Aus.) second-rate.

[Aus]Bulletin (Sydney) 30 Aug. 14/1: An Afghan came in with six 70lb. bags of chaff on his camel. A teamster drawing water put down a pound a bag for it. He had 12 horses, poor as wood; he might get two feeds for his team out of it.
M. Fee Woman’s Impressions of the Philippines 233: My landlady, who was an heiress in her own right, told me that the old financier came to Capiz ‘poor as wood.’.
B. Field Cock’s Funeral 197: Everybody was poor as wood except Mrs. Perry. Mrs. Perry, the widow of a famous judge, owned an estate across the road from the mailbox.
put the (bit of) wood in the hole (v.) (also put a piece of wood in the hole)

to shut the door; usu. as imper.

[UK](con. WWI) E. Lynch Somme Mud 131: ‘Shut the door!’ [...] ‘Put the bit of wood in the hole!’.
[UK](con. WWI) Fraser & Gibbons Soldier and Sailor Words 309: Wood In The Hole, Put A Piece Of: Shut the door.
[UK]P. Wright Cockney Dialect and Sl. 92: The well-known Put de wood in de ’ole ‘Close the door.’.
[UK]T. Black Artefacts of the Dead [ebook] She had the wood in the frame and the mortise turned in the lock by the time he could blink.
take it out in wood (v.)

to stand in the stocks; latterly to serve a prison sentence.

Cornwall Chronicle 1 Sept. 3/2: James Smith was fined 5s. for being drunk, and not paying, he was ordered to take it out in wood [i.e. to be put in the stocks] .
[Aus]Sydney Monitor & Commercial Advertiser (NSW) 15 Dec. 2/4: The Bench [...] ordered her to pay a fine of five shillings, or to have an hour in the stocks. The prisoner said, that rather than pay the money she would ‘take it out in timber’.
Hobart Guardian (Tas.) 22 Mar. 5/4: The worthy Magistrate [...] intimated [...] that when they had not the cash to to pay for lushing, he was determinnd iliey should take it out in Wood, we mean the Stocks.
[Aus]Bell’s Life in Sydney 22 Jan. 3/2: P.M.— ‘You must pay 5s. or go to prison for 48 hours.’ Polly— ‘Well I suppose I must take it out in wood, as I havnt got no money’.
(con. 1839-44) J. Demarr Adventures in Australia Fifty Years Ago 40: Thank yer honor, but I will not give these folks here the five shillings, I shall keep it, and drink yer honor’s health with it, and go and take it out in wood.
wood-and-water joey (n.) [joey n.1 (2a), they run for firewood, drinking water etc.] (Aus./N.Z.)

a general labourer; also in non-manual use (see cite 1912).

[UK]‘Aus. Colloquialisms’ in All Year Round 30 July 67/2: A ‘wood-and-water joey’ is a hanger about hotels and a doer of odd jobs.
[Aus]‘Rolf Boldrewood’ Robbery Under Arms (1922) 155: Bobby, he don’t know a p’leeceman from a wood-an’-water joey.
[Aus]Bulletin (Sydney) 16 Aug. 15/2: A little lower down the river is a young native who issues half-measures of food, but makes it up with a bushel of sneers and incivility. I was working with him less than two years ago when he was wood-and-water ‘joey,’ and that only as a favour to himself and family.
[NZ]Ohinemuri Gaz. (Waikato) 27 Aug. 2/2: You can see Rube Ruggs any day at the Shearer’s Rest [...] where he occupies the honorable post of wood-’n-water Joey.
[Aus]Stephens & O’Brien Materials for a Dict. of Aus. Sl. [unpub. ms.] 168: A wood and water joey is a servant similar to an English ostler or hotel man-servant.
[Aus]Sun. Times (Perth) 1 Dec. 4/5: The union secretary, although he has been the party’s wood-and-water joey for many a year, is not persona grata.
[Aus]‘Banjo’ Paterson ‘Three Elephant Power’ in Three Elephant Power 2: He was wood and water joey at some squatter’s place.
[UK]V. Palmer Passage 42: I wanted you to be something different from a wood-and-water joey.
[Aus](con. 1830s–60s) ‘Miles Franklin’ All That Swagger 100: Complementary to his responsibilities as wood-and-water joey and general rouseabout, all the pioneer women who pulled their weight on the frontier, had to cope with toil which in Great Britain was relegated to ‘general slaveys.’.
[Aus]Baker Aus. Lang. 62: A handyman on a station, otherwise called a [...] wood and water joey (sometimes abbreviated to the simple joey).
[Aus]B. Wannan Fair Go, Spinner 103: He was a wood-and-water joey / At the ‘Jackeroo’s Retreat.’.
wood up (v.) [? the wooden barrels that hold liquor]

(US) to drink.

[US]N.O. Picayune 31 Oct. 2/3: He ‘wooded up’ as he came along [DA].
[US]J.F. Kelly Humors of Falconbridge 175: [He] made a straight bend for Sander’s ‘Grocery,’ and began to ‘wood up’ [DA].