Green’s Dictionary of Slang

keister n.

also keaster, keester, keyster, kiester, kister
[Ger. kiste, a box, a case + Ger. sl. the rump]

1. (US) a suitcase, a satchel, a handbag, a salesman’s sample case.

[US]G.W. Peck Peck’s Sunshine 227: The boy took the Knight’s keister and went to the elevator.
[US]Little Falls Herald (MN) 31 Mar. 3/3: How to Operate the Shell Game with Profit [...] When the steerer gets the geezer in the push, let the boosters stall until the main plugger cops; then, if the gilly digs in his keyser [sic] or goes south for soft, give him a flash of the little dinkie doodle ball.
G.B. McCutcheon Rose in the Ring 80: Ruby Noakes [...] was directing the contortionist in his efforts to construct a table out of three ‘blue seats’ and a couple of property trunks, or ‘keesters,’ as they were called [DA].
[US]Spokane Press (WA) 22 Sept. 7/3: I glommed the keister [...] we fenced it for sixty bucks.
[US]B.T. Harvey ‘Word-List From The Northwest’ in DN IV:i 27: kister, n. A suitcase.
[US]Jackson & Hellyer Vocab. Criminal Sl. 52: keister [...] A satchel; a handbag; a small grip.
[US]Cincinnati Enquirer (OH) 12 May 12/2: ‘They’s a screen in one corner, an’ a keester in the other, an’ a flop over agin the wall’.
[US]Morn. Tulsa Daily World (OK) 17 Dec. 74/3: Daisy staggered in with her ‘keisters’.
[US]K. Mullen ‘Westernisms’ in AS I:3 151: It is not such wild, gypsy words as ‘keester’ for suit-case or ‘meestle’ for a dog that find currency.
[US]J. O’Connor Broadway Racketeers 173: He packed his little keyster and took the first train back home.
[US]Irwin Amer. Tramp and Und. Sl. 191: Tripes And Keister. – The tripod and case or suitcase from which a pitchman sells his wares.
[US] ‘Und. “Lingo” Brought Up-to-Date’ L.A. Times 8 Nov. K3: KEESTER: A traveling bag.
[US]‘Paul Cain’ Fast One (1936) 214: Hang on the front of that place until you see three big pig-skin keesters go in.
[US]A.J. Pollock Und. Speaks n.p.: Keaster, a valise.
[US]J. Conroy World to Win 59: ‘Hey, you gonna leave yer keister?’ the cook called after Dude. Dude was a pitchman.
[US]H. Asbury Sucker’s Progress 330: The swindler made a pitch on a street corner, with tripod and keister in the day time.
[US]Howsley Argot: Dict. of Und. Sl. 29: keyster – a suitcase or brief case.
[US]W.R. Burnett Asphalt Jungle in Four Novels (1984) 244: He was carrying this keister.
[UK]G. Kersh Fowlers End (2001) 213: I’ll mind this ’ere keyster for you while you’re gorn.
[US]J. Thompson Getaway in Four Novels (1983) 63: It might just be that there was nothing in this keister but old matchbooks covers.
[US]Ragen & Finston World’s Toughest Prison 806: keister – A suitcase.
[US]W. Keyser ‘Carny Lingo’ in 🌐 Keister — A portable display case for the pitchman's wares.

2. (US Und.) a burglar’s bag of safe- or house-breaking tools.

[US]Goldin et al. DAUL 114/2: Keister. [...] 2. A satchel, or bag, especially a burglar’s kit. ‘Ditch that keister. It draws heat (attracts police attention).’.

3. (US Und.) a safe, a strongbox (often within a safe).

[US]Wash. Post 11 Nov. Miscellany 3/6: A ‘keister,’ a universal name for a small suit case or the inner box in a ‘goopher.’.
[US]P. & T. Casey Gay-cat 147: They [...] breaks inter the keester o’ the bank safes, an’ gits away with all the stored-up jack.
[US]J. Callahan Man’s Grim Justice 74: We had a terrible time before we got the ‘kiester’ [sic] (burglar-proof chest in the bottom of the safe where the money is stacked).
[US]‘Goat’ Laven Rough Stuff 36: When the explosion has finished, the safe door is generally hanging on its hinges, or is clean off. Then they get to work on the inside door, or keyster, or if it is locked they must have jemmies ready.
[US]Howsley Argot: Dict. of Und. Sl. 29: keyster – a [...] safe or other like depository.
[US]Monteleone Criminal Sl. (rev. edn).
[US]J. Thompson Alcoholics (1993) 26: You got fifteen grand in your keister?
[US]B. Jackson Thief’s Primer 53: Then you get into your keysters. A keyster is, as anybody knows, an ass, and a keyster stash is an asshole. Keysters are the asshole of the safe profession because they’re so hard to get into. And safe salesmen, they call them keysters too. There are different types. You have a square-door keyster, and you have a round-door keyster, and you have a nigger-head keyster. A niggerhead keyster is a large ball, just a round ball that’s set in concrete.
[US]C. Shafer ‘Catheads [...] and Cho-Cho Sticks’ in Abernethy Bounty of Texas (1990) 208: kiester, n. – [...] the name of a circular type safe.

4. (US) the female genitals.

[US]‘Mae West in “The Hip Flipper”’ [comic strip] in B. Adelman Tijuana Bibles (1997) 97: Lotta is throwing that kiester at the high gazabo of Gigglewood.
[US]Monteleone Criminal Sl. (rev. edn).

5. (orig. US) the anus, the buttocks.

[US] ‘Adventures of a Fuller Brush Man: “The Amorous Mrs. Twirp”’ [comic strip] in B. Adelman Tijuana Bibles (1997) 47: Come on – wave that kiester [sic].
[US]G. Milburn ‘Convicts’ Jargon’ in AS VI:6 439: keister, n. [...] what one sits on.
[US] ‘Peepin’ Through the Keyhole’ [comic strip] in B. Adelman Tijuana Bibles (1997) 52: He [...] rammed it up her keester.
[US]G. Legman ‘Lang. of Homosexuality’ Appendix VII in Henry Sex Variants.
[US]W.R. Burnett Little Men, Big World 10: A picture of Citation, my favourite horse. But I can’t see him. Why? Miss Racetrack 1950 has got such a broad keister she blots him out.
[US]S. Longstreet Flesh Peddlers (1964) 198: We bump keisters, see, and I con the twat and make the deal.
[US] ‘Duriella du Fontaine’ in D. Wepman et al. Life (1976) 45: She had ruby lips and big swinging hips / And a kiester that was real fine.
[US]L. Bruce Essential Lenny Bruce 126: Tanned face, sagging keester, a real nothing.
[US]‘Iceberg Slim’ Pimp 99: I ain’t paying you a ‘fin’ a night to sit on your keister.
[US]L. Kramer Faggots 181: You’ll wind up doing stage shows at The Pits, having twenty pounds of chain pumped up your keester.
[US]S. King Christine 560: Leigh had to get behind me and put both her hands on my keister and shove.
[US]S. Morgan Homeboy 135: We should all be so punished, the money you make flashin keister.
[US]T. Dorsey Florida Roadkill 84: He better damn well pay the maintenance fee or his keester would be out on the street.
[US]J. Stahl Perv (2001) 36: The poor shnook figured if he had some Moms down there maybe the turd-burglars would spare his keister.
[US](con. 1964–8) J. Ellroy Cold Six Thousand 44: I know you’re sitting on your keester waiting for callbacks that won’t come.
[UK]Guardian 20 Sept. 11: Speaking to senators last Thursday, Mr Bush asked: ‘What’s the sense of sending a $2m missile to hit a $10 tent and a camel in the keister?’.
[US]Mad mag. Jan. 19: I still got the scars [...] on my keister.
[US]T. Pluck ‘Six Feet Under God’ in Life During Wartime (2018) 188: I dropped hiim omn his kiester.
[US]J. Stahl Bad Sex on Speed 120: Mama Tess gives him a little keister-slap.
Twitter 9 Nov. 🌐 Esper gets a kick in the keister for supporting the rule of law.
[US]J. Hannaham Didn’t Nobody Give a Shit 184: Al coulda had a ray gun up his keister, ev'body knew he had mad weird weapons.

6. (US) a prison.

[US]Goldin et al. DAUL 114/2: Keister. [...] 3. (Carnival) A small county jail; a local jail.

7. (US) one’s self.

[US]R. Serling ‘A Stop at Willoughby’ in More Stories from the Twilight Zone 95: Tell him to get his keister back here in a hurry!
[US]K. Brasselle Cannibals 166: Get your cute little kiester in here.
[US]W. Diehl Hooligans (2003) 413: Can you get down low enough to check the parking lot [...] without getting your keister blown off?

In compounds

keister bandit (n.) [-bandit sfx (2)]

(US prison) a ‘masculine’ male homosexual; by ext., a womanizer, a rapist.

[US]Goldin et al. DAUL 114/2: Keister bandit. 1. An active homosexual, especially one who uses threats or force. 2. (By extension) A seducer or rapist.
[US]Bentley & Corbett Prison Sl. 60: Pitcher The dominant or active partner in a bisexual or homosexual relationship. (Archaic: keister bandit).
keister bunny (n.)

(US prison) an inmate who places contraband items – tobacco, drugs – in his rectum.

R.T. Bogues 🌐 Since there was no tobacco allowed, a guy could make a lot of money by organizing a ‘tobacco drop’, and then smuggle it in by stuffing it up his ass. These men were known as ‘keister bunnies.’.
keisterman (n.)

(US Und.) a thief who specializes in stealing suitcases on railway stations.

[US]Ersine Und. and Prison Sl.
[US]Goldin et al. DAUL 114/2: Keisterman. A luggage thief.
keister plant (n.) [plant n. (22)]

(US drugs) a cache of drugs hidden, usu. in some form of hollow metal container, in the rectum .

[US]D. Maurer ‘Lang. of the Und. Narcotic Addict’ Pt 2 in Lang. Und. (1981) 104/2: keyster-plant. A device for smuggling drugs into prisons, or for concealing them once they have been smuggled in.
[US]Monteleone Criminal Sl. (rev. edn) 137: keister plant Narcotics secreted in the rectum.
[US]J.E. Schmidt Narcotics Lingo and Lore.
[US]E.E. Landy Underground Dict. (1972).
[US]ONDCP Street Terms 13: Keister plant — Drugs hidden in the rectum.
E. Bunker Death Row Breakout [ebook] Things the right size could go in a ‘keister plant’, – up the rectum.
keister stab (v.) [stab v.]

(US gay) to have anal intercourse.

R. Davies Rebel Angels 297: Very carefully I parted his buttocks and — aha! are you expecting something spicy to happen? A bit of the old Brown Eye? You think I may be about to give Urky the keister-stab?
[US]R.O. Scott Gay Sl. Dict. 🌐 anal intercourse: [...] Syn: kiester stab.
keister stash (n.) [stash n.1 ]

(US Und.) any slim, hollow item, e.g. a biro tube, that can be placed in the anus and used to transport money, drugs etc.

[US]M. Braly On the Yard (2002) 232: He smuggled out over two hundred dollars in the barrel of a fountain pen, converted to a keister stash.
[US] ‘Sl. of Watts’ in Current Sl. III:2 32: Kiester stash, n. Drugs concealed in the rectum.
[US]B. Jackson Thief’s Primer 53: Then you get into your keysters. A keyster is, as anybody knows, an ass, and a keyster stash is an asshole.
W.R. Campbell Dead Man Walking 123: If I wanted to smuggle dope she would keister stash it.
keister-stashed (adj.)

(US prison) hidden in the anus.

[US]M. Braly On the Yard (2002) 35: You think he might have something keister-stashed? We can X-ray.

In phrases

grease someone’s keister (v.)

(US) to sodomize.

[US]J. Stahl Plainclothes Naked (2002) 242: If you’re nice I’ll let my friend here grease your keister.

In exclamations