porridge, n. — Green’s Dictionary of Slang

porridge n.

1. imprisonment [the staple morning diet of such establishments in the UK + pun on stir n.¹ (1)/SE stir].

[1865		Leaves from Diary of Celebrated Burglar 79/2: The ‘molls’ had brought our bags [...] and placed them in charge of the old woman, with whom they lived while we were ‘doing’ our porritch and kail business in ‘stur’].
1908		E. Stagg Night Scenes in London 90: ‘I ain’t as straight as some of yer, mebbe,’ he went on, ‘but I’ve ’ad me porridge an’ p’r’aps it’ll do me good.’.
1912		Truth (Wellington) 6 Apr. 6/1: List will avoid porridge till the end of his days.
1957		(con. 1920s) P. Beveridge Inside the C.I.D. 47: When the thieves were sentenced at the Old Bailey to long terms of imprisonment the case was neatly summarised by a tall City policeman [...] ‘Jam today, but porridge (prison) tomorrow’.
[1961		(con. 1920s) J. Sparks Burglar to the Nobility 72: Teddy [...] had blagged a relatively slight matter of five grand, but even so the Law felt he ought to go and eat some porridge for this].
1966		B. Reckord Skyvers III v: I could still do what you expect me to be doin’, haulin’ Whitbread’s when I ain’t actually doin’ porridge.
1972		Galton & Simpson ‘Live Now, P.A.Y.E. Later’ Steptoe and Son [TV script] Harold, I can’t do porridge at my time of life.
1982		J. Sullivan ‘It Never Rains’ Only Fools and Horses [TV script] ’Alf hour later you’re doing porridge.
1982		G. Newbold Big Huey 252: Porridge (n) Imprisonment. From the staple diet of early prisons.
1984		B. Ellem Doing Time 194: porridge: prison.
1991		M. Gray About Time 71: Something for the chaplain also - a new language. Jail, stir, can, boob, jug, porridge - it's all the same place.
1996		J. Cameron It Was An Accident 35: ‘I heard you were keepin’ company of police officers,’ he goes. ‘And you just out of the porridge. Got to be a connection there eh?’.
1999		D. Looser ‘Boob Jargon’ in NZEJ 13 34: porridge n. Imprisonment.
2001		D. Looser Boobslang [U. Canterbury D.Phil. thesis] 143/2: porridge n. prison; imprisonment.
2007		N. ‘Razor’ Smith Raiders 65: Maybe Ronnie could have gone through his whole life as a working robber and never got a tug from Old Bill or a long stretch of porridge.
2010		K. Richards Life 228: Robert Fraser [...] had pleaded guilty to heroin possession. He had to do his porridge.
2020		G. Krauze What They Was 248: You’re clearly an intelligent chap but you might just have to do your porridge.

2. (Irish) based on SE porridge, a hotch potch.

(a) a confusion, e.g. a traffic jam.

1925		L. Doyle Dear Ducks 272: The two front mudguards an’ the other lamp were in porridge.
1995		RTÉ Radio news 12 Sept. In Wicklow something of a porridge took place yesterday in Fianna Fáil [BS].

(b) nonsense; usu. as you have your porridge, you are talking nonsense.

1939

‘Flann O’Brien’ At Swim-Two-Birds 167: It’s only a rabbit or a black tyke, said the Pooka. You have your porridge, said Shorty as he peered with his shading hand, there’s trousers on it.

In phrases

dish out the porridge (v.)

see dish out the gravy under dish (out) v.

SE in slang uses

In compounds

porridge bird (n.) (S.Afr. gay)

1. a flaccid penis.

2003

K. Cage Gayle 89/1: porridge bird n. 1. flaccid penis.

2. an impotent man.

2003

K. Cage Gayle 89/1: porridge bird n. [...] 2. someone who cannot get or maintain an erection.

porridge gun (n.) [the supposed similarity of semen to porridge]

the penis.

1998

Hip-Hop Connection Dec. 6: Give me your porridge gun you ugly twat.

porridge hole (n.)

(Scot.) the mouth.

1909

J. Ware Passing Eng. of the Victorian Era.

porridge mouth (n.)

(Aus.) scolding, reproof.

1915

Truth (Brisbane) 25 July 3/4: ‘You don't need to come the porridge mouth with me and apologisin’.

porridge stuffer (n.) (also porridge-stuffer) [stereotypical Scot. food]

(Aus. / N.Z.) a Scotsman.

1885		Bulletin (Sydney) 6 Jun. 12/2: The imaginative young porridge stuffer thought the donkeys were rabbits of a gigantic breed.
1922		N.Z. Truth 29 Apr. 1/8: [He] was informed by a porridge-biting friend that Scotsmen play the bagpipes as a hobby.

porridge wog (n.) [wog n.¹ (3)]

a derog. term for a Scottish person.

1993

I. Welsh Trainspotting 190: Nicksy’s brar [...] described the Scots as ‘porridge wogs’.

In phrases

come the porridge mouth (v.)

(Aus.) to act in a submissive, apologetic manner.

1915

Truth (Brisbane) 25 July 3/4: ‘You don’t have to come the porridge mouth with me and apologisin’’.

stir the porridge (v.)

(orig. Aus.) to have sexual intercourse with a woman immediately after she has had sex with another man, esp. used of the final man in a gang rape.

1985		‘Thommo’ Dict. Aus. Swearing & Sex Sayings 124: STIR THE PORRIDGE — To have sexual intercourse with a female who has had, just previous to you, either one or several other males ejaculate semen into her vagina.
1986		C. Bowles G’DAY 32: The bogs also have gang bangs in the backs of the bog wagons and the last one in stirs the porridge.
1988		McGill Dict. of Kiwi Sl. 108/1: stir the porridge one of the last turns in a gang rape.
1997		Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 87 Dec. n.p.: stirring the porridge euph. To have sloppy seconds; to dip into a box of assorted creams (qv).
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. [as cit. 1988].

wouldn’t know (someone) if (they) stood up in my porridge

(N.Z.) to profess complete ignorance of someone.

2003

McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl.