Kelsey’s nuts n.
(US Und.) used alone to imply the best, the absolute; used in phr. below as a superlative to mean ‘extremely’, ‘the most’.
|Thief’s Primer 58: Kelsey’s nuts: Sam says: ‘The first time I heard this I was playing basketball at the YMCA in Corpus and a boy on the other team told me, “You are all as dead as Kelsey’s nuts.” It means you’re all locked up, all set. Say a guy calls you long distance and says, “Now I want you to come on up to Chicago, I’ve got Kelsey’s nuts up here,” that means that he’s got a safe that’s an absolute cinch. All you have to do is walk in and say hello, and it’ll give you its money. Kelsey’s nuts is absolute, the best in the world, a cinch, a mortal cinch, it’s already taken care of.’.|
|Cannibals 17: It was 6:30 p.m., and colder than Kelsey’s ass.|
|Salon.com 8 Jan. [Internet] [Samuel] Fuller, born in Worcester, Mass., and a member of the U.S. infantry, recalls ‘it was colder than Kelsey’s nuts.’.|
(US) very definitely dead, out of favour; lit. or fig.
|What’s In It For Me? 247: Right now your styles are deader than Kelsey’s nuts.|
|Thief 286: They had my bound promise to kill them deader than Kelsey’s nuts!|
|Fort Apache, The Bronx 225: Advancement in the department can’t be it because Sonny, you’re about as dead as Kelsey’s nuts as far as that goes.|
|Politically Correct Cigar Smoking Ch. xxi: Another man who needed some help in getting support for social programs that were as dead as Kelsey’s nuts.|
|in Chicago Sun-Times 17 Nov. [Internet] ‘I announced my office, told him I was the police, told him to put down the gun. He didn’t and I shot him. And that was the end of the story for him.’ Deader than Kelsey’s nuts.|
|Lang. of the Und. (1981) 251/1: SAFE AS KELSEY. adj.phr. Conservative, not inclined towards taking unnecessary risks. Euphemism for ‘safe as Kelsey’s nuts.’.‘Technical Argot of Pickpockets’ in|
1. (US Und.) extremely mean, stingy.
|Maledicta IV:2 (Winter) 224: Some UK [sic] name play, such as tight as Kelsey’s nuts (or O’Reilley’s balls) for ‘parsimonious, is of obscure origin’.|
|Conductor 250: Tighter than Kelsey’s nuts is old Joe. Keeps pretty much to himself.|
|UrbanDictionary.com [Internet] CLUSTERFIST an individual who is ‘tighter than Kelsey’s nuts’ when it comes to parting with a dollar; a parsimonious peckerhead.|
2. absolutely limited, e.g. of time.
|Cosmonaut 364: Those people up there are on a time line tighter than Kelsey’s nuts. Near as we can estimate they’ve got no more than four hours’ oxygen.|