wank, v. — Green’s Dictionary of Slang

wank v.

[ety. unknown, but note the many ‘beating’ synons, the alt. sp. whank and late 18C Scot./dial. whank, to beat, to thrash]

1. (also wank off, whank) to masturbate.

1905		Memoirs of a Vuluptuary (1906) I 8: You have never wanked yourself off before, have you?
1905		Memoirs of a Vuluptuary (1906) I 33: I don’t know whether I shall be able to keep from wanking when I get into bed.
1948		implied in wank-pit
1950		P. Tempest Lag’s Lex. 229: Whank, to, to masturbate.
1965		G. Melly Owning Up (1974) 178: When the Chair had finished David Litvinoff rose with a question. Was it, he asked politely, permitted for the audience to wank during the recital?
1984		‘Derek Raymond’ He Died with His Eyes Open 65: I’ve never had an orgasm in my life, not even when I wank.
2004		Guardian G2 20 Feb. 6: It’ll be me wanking over my Baftas with a three-legged blind dog.
2009		L. McIlvanney All the Colours 11: ‘I’d have thought you did a lot of this over the phone.’ ‘What?’ ‘Wanking off’.
2014		me-stepmums-too-fuckin-hot-mate at www.fakku.net 🌐 If you wanted to wank over me knickers, you y’just had to ask.
2024		J. Meades Empty Wigs (t/s) 721: ‘I used to wank on photos of her when I was a kid’.

2. to masturbate another person.

1905		Memoirs of a Vuluptuary (1906) I 67: Now wank me, and keep as close to my bottom as possible.
2007		R. Milward Apples (2023) 26: I tried to wank Fairhurst for a bit then we had oral sex.
2012		J. Fagan Panopticon (2013) 80: The only person that’ll be wanking Jay is some guy in the jail.

3. (also wang on, wank on) in fig. use, to waste time, to pontificate verbally (usu. constr. with about); thus wanking n.

1976		P. Theroux Family Arsenal 227: Hey Arfa! Let’s go, mate – stop wanking!
1989		M. Dibdin Tryst 41: Steve was [...] told to stop wanking about.
1991		R.G. Barratt ‘I’m Pulling for Ya, Pee Wee’ in What Do You Reckon (1997) [ebook] You’ve been wanking non-stop [...] in your letters.
1994		Watch Mag. 9 Feb. 17/1: [Oasis] have gotten a reputation for being a juicy interview for jaded journalists tired of earnest musicians [...] wanking on about how their music is deep,.
1995		S. Home Cranked Up Really High 48: Many of whom were prone to wanking on about artistic integrity.
1995		D. Warner City of Light 136: Of course there were the cynics and the sourpusses wanking on about how Fremantle would be ruined by the development.
1999		N. Cohn Yes We Have No 338: If you’re vanking, do it somewhere else.
1999		H. Fielding Edge of Reason [ebook] I generally avoid getting into arguments about politics [...] out of fear someone will then start wanging on about the single currency.
2003		M. Cronin Time Tracks 69: [T]alk turns to How my Mother gets on my Wick or How my Oul’ Fellow is always Wanging on about the Government.
2004		C. Dunsford Earth Warriors 60: [T]he government wanking on about this or that Maori here or there.
2010		E. Moran Mr Almost Right [ebook] Tarquin kept me stranded in his caravan for much of yesterday, wanging on about his tedious ‘vision’.
2018		D. Alderton Everything I Know [ebook] Hector wanging on about the history of nipple clamps in his annoying, drunk Nigel Havers voice.
2021		R. Duval Going to America [ebook] I’d had enough [...] of him wanging on about Chris's infidelities.
2021		M. Billingham Rabbit Hole [ebook] A happy place, or a babbling brook or whatever it is that shrinks and therapists are always wanking on about.

4. in fig. use, to abuse someone else.

1976		P. Theroux Family Arsenal 19: ARSENAL RULE [...] SPURS WANK.
1998		I. Welsh Filth 322: He was wanking all over me.

5. to be logged on to a computer for a long time.

1989

J. Doyle College Sl. Dict. 🌐 wank [Columbia] 1. (n) a person who is logged on for a huge amount of time 2. (v) to log on, to stay logged on, and to hack your brains out while drinking lots of JOLT or Mountain Dew 3. (adj) having the properties of a wank.

In derivatives

wankerdom (n.)

a state of pretentiousness.

1997		Robins & Sprague (eds) Trouser Press Guide to '90s Rock (5 edn) 754/2: Adam Jones is as tasteful as metal players come, always looking for some sonic alternative to typical axe-hero wankerdom.
2004		Sydney Morn. Herald 5 Apr. 🌐 He was reluctant to do this interview because [...] it might be a step down the road to wankerdom.
2007		J. Clune Man of Month Club n.p.: ‘Hello, good evening, and fuck off,’ snarled Greg [...] It wasn't his gayness, it was his wankerdom Greg took against.
2014		D. Martinez My Heart is a Drunken Compass 22: [The] usual moping, fauxartist adolescent agonizing in literature—the Salinger, the Camus, the James Joyce, and the soundtrack to wankerdom in The Cure, Joy Division, and The Smiths.

wankery (n.)

pointless and/or pretentious activity, speech, etc.

1993		Arena (Sydney) #2 17: Call it compassion, call it self-indulgent wankery, call it what you like...it won’t change my motives.
2012		D. O’Donnell Locked Ward (2013) 283: Wishbone Ash and other sundry wankery.
2019		Observer 18 Aug. 🌐 [I]t does feel a little bit near the business end of things for politicians to be indulging in the weapons-grade wankery we’ve seen this week.

wankily (adv.)

in a second-rate manner.

1997

Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 87 Dec. n.p.: wankily adj. Badly; sub standard. ‘He did that really wankily.’.

In compounds

wank-bag (n.)

a general term of abuse.

1998		I. Welsh Filth 30: He’s fucking up my crossword time, the helium-filled wank-bag.
2000		F. Mac Anna Cartoon City 12: The sound of REM singing ‘Driver 8’ filled the car. ‘I hate these bleeding wankbags,’ Dez said.

wanking chariot (n.)

a bed.

1995

Guardian Weekend 1 July 20/3: A bed was a ‘wanking chariot’’.

wank mag (n.) [mag n.⁴ (1)]

a pornographic magazine.

2003		N. Griffiths Stump 168: Fuckin wankmags for them people, them fuckin bukes are. Wanner read about how the scum live.
2012		D. Whish-Wilson ‘In Savage Freedom’ in Crime Factory: Hard Labour [ebook] Wank mags, a blue tarp and two shovels.

wank-pit (n.) (also wanker)

a bed (cf. wanking pit under wanking n.).

1948

Partridge Dict. Forces’ Sl. 203: wank-pit; wanker. A bed. (Air Force).

wankshaft (n.)

see separate entry.

wank tank (n.)

a large, ostentatious car, purchased for the enhancement of its owner’s ego and the display of his material success.

2004

C. Brookmyre Be My Enemy 44: There were already four other vehicles parked [...] including the ostentatious urban wank-tank.

In phrases

wanked out (adj.)

exhausted.

1974		G.F. Newman You Flash Bastard 201: He had an intelligent face and a constant tan, as well he might for he had a small wanked-out vineyard down in Southern Italy, not far from Squillace.
1989		in G. Tremlett Little Legs 113: By the morning I was right wanked out because I’d had no kip.

wank off (v.) (also whank off)

1. to masturbate.

1956		‘Eskimo Nell’ in ‘Count P. Vicarion’ Bawdy Ballads XIV: Back to the land of the mighty stand, where the nights are six months long, / Where the polar bear whanks off in his lair.
1966		P. Willmott Adolescent Boys of East London (1969) 54: Me and my mates, we tell everybody we wank off.
1969		‘Groupie Gloss.’ on A. Lorber Groupies [album] Whank-off: to masturbate.
1978		L. Kramer Faggots 49: Today its even considered healthy to wank off.
1993		I. Welsh Trainspotting 198: We used to wank off tae porno mags as wee laddies.
2000		T. Udo Vatican Bloodbath 37: Liberated from the need to conceal his predilection for pre-teen boys, no longer confined to merely fondling choir boys and wanking off in confessionals.

2. to masturbate another person, usu, male; also in fig. use, to behave self-indulgently.

1999		Indep. Rev. 3 Aug. 2: How long are you people going to sit in an air-pocket wanking each other off?
2001		N. Griffiths Sheepshagger 142: Gwenno yer might even go to bed with yew. Let yew fuckin do her. Suck yewer knob. Wank yew off.

wank on (v.) (also wang on)

to bore, to talk nonsense for a long time.

1982		H. Beaton Outside In Act II: Cowface’ll do her number. Wankin’ on about peace an’ goodwill.
1988		Passing Show (Sydney) #7 n.p.: The MUSC election saw a great deal of wanking on.
2004		Guardian 12 Dec. 🌐 Wonderwoman did not fight crime by pinning people into the corner at parties and wanging on about herself for an hour.
1993		Arena (Sydney) #2 16: I’d like to complain about the article in Arena [...] that wanks on endlessly about theatre at Macquarie.
2013		S. Toseland Leaves on the Line [ebook] You've been wanging on about your own particular bugbear for three minutes, which is two minutes 50 seconds longer than I was actually interested.
2018		Twitter 18 Oct. 🌐 Sorry (not that sorry) to wang on about this, but it's genuinely quite thrilling to see [...] Anglo-Saxon manuscripts on a massive Tube campaign.
2020		Twitter 28 Oct. 🌐 If there were genuine benefits to the Brexit moronathon, they’d be wanging on about them, instead of desperately making up stuff .

wank the crank (v.) [crank n.³ (1)]

to masturbate.

1997–99

AllAboutSex.org 🌐 ‘Words for Masturbation’ [...] 374. Wank. 375. Wank the crank.