Green’s Dictionary of Slang

(US) extremely cold.

2016

T. Robinson Rough Trade [ebook] ‘It’s cold as balls out here’.

(US/Aus.) of temperature, extremely cold; also in fig. use.

1869		Dundee Courier 19 July 3/2: Two ragged ruffians pounced upon him with a demand for his watch and purse [...] said Scholtz ‘Put up your knives, you won’t need them. Strip me by all means but for heaven’s sake be quick about it, for it is as cold as a wolf’s throat’.
1933		Nicholson & Robinson Sailor Beware! I i: Boy, I know her! She’s cold as a penguin’s behind.
1939		P.G. Brewster ‘Folk “Sayings” From Indiana’ in AS XIV:4 263: ‘Cold as a dog’s nose,’ and ‘cold enough to freeze the tail off a brass monkey’.
1944		L. Glassop We Were the Rats 5: [I] sneaks in just in time to see Jerry knock Binghi as cold as a Polar bear’s backside. [Ibid.] 205: Hot as hell all day and cold as a polar bear’s backside all night.
1945		‘Cold!’ in Mess Songs & Rhymes of the RAAF 43: Cold as the end of a Laplander’s tool, / Cold as an Eskimo gloomy and glum, / Cold as the hairs on a Polar bear’s bum.
1951		D. Stivens Jimmy Brockett 227: I’d only seen her about three times in the last four or five years. Mostly, she was cold as a polar bear’s behind.
1961		B. Crump Hang On a Minute, Mate (1963) 55: The dawn was as cold as an axe-head.
1969		H. Rap Brown Die Nigger Die! 67: It was as cold as polar bear shit.
1978		R. Price Ladies’ Man (1985) 9: It was as cold as a snowball’s ass.
2006		B. Matthews Intractable [ebook] It was as cold as a frog’s tog outside.

(US) of temperature, extremely cold.

1953		Randolph & Wilson Down in the Holler 172: He likes to say that it’s cold as a witch’s tit, or a well digger’s ass, or a banker’s heart.
1958		(con. 1950) E. Frankel Band of Brothers 75: Cold as a gravedigger’s ass. Rations all froze stiff.
1992		(con. 1920–57) Randolph & Legman Ozark Folksongs and Folklore II 774: He is not satisfied to observe than an object is cold; he likes to say that it is cold as […] a well-digger’s arse.
1998		J. O’Connor Salesman 290: Straight out of the freezer, it’s cold as a well-digger’s arse, that is, Homer.
2006		C. Hiaasen Nature Girl 285: It’s cold as a well-digger’s ass out here.

1. (US) of temperature, very cold.

1872		True Northerner (Paw Paw, MI) 23 Feb. 6/3: ‘Do you call that a cup of tea,’ said Miss Temperance scornfully. ‘It’s cold as stepmother’s breath’.
1881		Orleans County Monitor (Barton, VT) 28 Mar. 2/3: The winds now and then are as cool as stepmother’s breath.
1898		Kentucky Irish American 1 Oct. 4/4: Suhc phrases as ‘cold as a stepmother’s breath’.
1909		Salt Lake Trib. (UT) 7 Feb. 26/5: In the famous blizzard of ’88 — ‘aw, the wind was cold [...] as cold as a stepmother’s breath’.
1979		Sun. Tel. (Sydney) 13 May 168: It’s refreshing to hear an old Australian phrase amid all the government and advertising jargon. A taxi wound down a window on a freezing night this week. ‘Out there, mate,’ said the driver, ‘it’s as cold as a stepmother’s breath.’ [GAW4].

2. (Aus./US, also cold as a grandmother’s/mother-in-law’s kiss) used fig. of a person’s emotions, very cold.

1926		Maines & Grant Wise-crack Dict. 6/2: Cold as grandmother’s kiss – Lacking in enthusiasm and ardor.
1983		B. Kennedy Australian 9 Feb. 14: Then there are the family kisses – not only of the sort labelled ‘as cold as a mother-in-law’s kiss’ but of the affectionate variety [GAW4].
1996		P. Temple Bad Debts (2012) [ebook] Cold as a mother-in-law’s kiss, my late husband used to say.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 50: cold as a stepmother’s breath Very cold. The stepmother may have replaced the mother-in-law as the traditional family bête noire [...] colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss Unfriendly.

extremely cold, or sexually frigid.

1963–74		B. Humphries Barry McKenzie [comic strip] in Complete Barry McKenzie (1988) 96: He might be as cold as a nun’s nasty! but we’ll still have to bung him in the fridge.
1971		F.J. Hardy Outcasts of Foolgarah (1975) 86: She was cold as a nun’s crotch, didn’t fancy frollicking with the foreskin, in other words.

1. (also frigid as a witch’s tit) extremely cold, temperature wise.

1932		Van Wyck Mason Spider House 210: It’s cold as a witch’s tit outside [OED].
1941		J. Weidman I’ll Never Go There Any More 58: Wait till the wintertime comes. It’ll be as cold as a witch’s tit.
1951		J.D. Salinger Catcher in the Rye (1958) 8: It was December and all, and it was cold as a witch’s teat.
1953		Randolph & Wilson Down in the Holler 172: He likes to say that it’s cold as a witch’s tit, or a well digger’s ass, or a banker’s heart.
1966		M. Rumaker Exit 3 and Other Stories 108: Man, it’s cold as a witch’s behind outside.
1969		H. Rap Brown Die Nigger Die! 40: I sat there and froze. It was as cold as a witch’s titty. I was cold and the game wasn’t good.
1974		J. Charyn Marilyn The Wild (2003) 142: It’s a witch’s tit outside, a whore of a day.
1992		R. Marcinko Rogue Warrior (1993) 294: I found myself in the middle of the frigid-as-a-witch’s-tit North Sea.
1996		P. Cornwell Cause of Death 12: Damn, it’s cold as a witch’s titty.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 50: cold as a frog’s tit Very cold, or sexually frigid.

2. completely without emotions.

1958		(con. 1950) E. Frankel Band of Brothers 233: He was as cold as a witch’s tit. Sawed on that thing [i.e. a leg] like it was a T-bone steak. Ain’t he got feelin’s?
1965		J.P. Carstairs Concrete Kimono 27: It was [...] about as warm as a witch’s teat.

see under Kelsey’s nuts n.