Green’s Dictionary of Slang

wank n.

[wank v.]

1. (also wank-off) an act of masturbation.

[Ire](con. 1940s) B. Behan Borstal Boy 174: ’Elps me plan me wank for the night.
[UK]P. Willmott Adolescent Boys of East London (1969) 54: When I was 13, my friends at school asked me if I’d ever had a wank.
[UK]B.S. Johnson All Bull 63: Someone’s having a wank — who is it?
[UK]J. Healy Grass Arena (1990) 102: Dipper says he’d like to give her one. She tells him, ‘Go have a wank.’.
[Ire]R. Doyle Van (1998) 592: Twenty-five fuckin’ quid. He could probably have got a wank in a massage parlour for that.
[UK]K. Lette Foetal Attraction (1994) 176: That foetus means nothing more to me than a wank into a test-tube.
[US]Hip-Hop Connection Dec. 6: The Queenpiece has a wank over the photos.
[UK](con. 1944) C. Logue Prince Charming 51: Then have a wank [...] Fuck going blind. I’ve wanked from nine and I’m one of the best shots in Northern Command.
[Aus]L. Redhead Rubdown [ebook] Ian came in for his regular five-thirty wank.
[UK]D. Seabrook Jack of Jumps (2007) 19: She gave the cab driver a wank [...] in payment for the fare.
[UK]S. Kelman Pigeon English 248: he was having a wank.
[UK]J. Fagan Panopticon (2013) 158: he was alright, just wanted a wee wank-off.
C. Hammer Scrublands [ebook] ‘Live in the past, drink grog and have an occasional wank’.

2. in fig. use, self-indulgence.

[UK]P. Theroux Family Arsenal 189: The political protest wank that only makes you feel good – that doesn’t change anything.
[UK]S. Berkoff Decadence in Decadence and Other Plays (1985) 27: You come all over heavy like a Patton tank / but when it comes to deeds / your chat is merely wanks.
[UK]I. Welsh Filth 8: That’s Toal; have a wank in our faces, never mind those wee practical details that might actually help.
[UK]J. Poller Reach 107: If you ask me, it’s a load of old wank.

3. (US campus) a person who is logged on to a computer (usu. the Internet or involved in hacking) for a long time.

[US]J. Doyle College Sl. Dict. [Internet] wank [Columbia] 1.(n) a person who is logged on for a huge amount of time 2. (v) to log on, to stay logged on, and to hack your brains out while drinking lots of JOLT or Mountain Dew 3. (adj) having the properties of a wank.

4. nonsense; thus wankology n.

[Ire]R. Doyle Van (1998) 630: He was licking up to Jimmy Sr now because the No Hard Feelings wankology had failed.
[UK]N. Griffiths Sheepshagger 97: We all know the Bill talk wank, mun.
Oxford Student 20 May 33/4: I hate when Pret load their food with middle class wank.

5. something worthless.

[UK]N. Griffiths Stump 8: — Fuckin Tommy givin us this pure piecer fuckin wank.

6. see wanker n. (2)

In compounds

wankstain

see separate entries.

In phrases

not worth a wank (adj.)

worthless, useless.

[UK]J.J. Connolly Layer Cake 25: What’s hardcore over here ain’t worth a wank, literally, to them on the Continent.
posh wank (n.) [posh adj. (1)]

an act of masturbation while wearing a condom.

[UK]K. Sampson Powder 317: He reached for the condoms. A posh wank would put the world to rights.