Green’s Dictionary of Slang

unpleasant, obnoxious.

1936		A. Huxley Eyeless in Gaza 315: ‘Turds to the core,’ he said. ‘So they can’t think anything but turdish thoughts.’ .
1971		J. Brooks Hat 79: I knew there was something turdish about the man.
1995		B. James Detective is Dead (1996) 3: Lovable laddies both of them in their turdish, grab-all ways.

covered in excrement, or generally disgusting.

c.1600		Timon in Dyce (1842) I iv: gelas.: Bloudy. paed.: Nay, rather, turdy.
1605		Jonson Volpone II i: These turdy-facy-nasty-paty-lousy-fartical rogues.
1672		J. Phillips Maronides (1678) VI 62: T’ent your Copper snout / Shall keep the squire Æneas out; / Nor ne’re a Turdy Jack-in-Office.

1. canine excrement.

1599		Nashe Praise of the Red Herring 75: Another drudge of the pudding house [...] sayes I might as well haue writte of a dogges turde.
1653		Urquhart (trans.) Gargantua and Pantagruel (1927) I Bk I 35: A dog’s turd, for the dainty turret, wherein lies the heart of my sweetheart.
1702		J. Floyer Essay to Prove Cold Bathing 221: Next is your Nostrum-munger, Dr. Stew-Toad, one that sets up for Miracles and Mystery, and always makes Honey of a Dogs-Turd.
1952		J. Jones From Here to Eternity (1998) 187: There had been the usual Preem dinner menu of canned franks and canned baked beans [...] ‘Ratturds and Dogturds.’.
1962		S. Longstreet Flesh Peddlers (1964) 109: The [...] rock garden was racked neatly with several sun-dried dog-turds.
1989		C. Hiaasen Skin Tight 63: Dull as a dog turd.
2000		Guardian G2 20 Jan. 14: The site promises to send [...] a box of dog turds to your worst enemy.
2005		L. Redhead Rubdown [ebook] Dry white dog turds littered the nature strip.
2007		M. Rowson Stuff 106: Pairs of plastic tits or plastic dog turds.

2. (also turd) a large cigar [lit. resemblance].

1967–9		in DARE.
1981		H. Gould Fort Apache, The Bronx 179: Murphy [...] knocked the cigar out of Armando’s mouth. ‘I can’t hear you with that turd in your mouth, Armando.’.
1989		(con. 1968) W.E. Merritt Where the Rivers Ran Backward 75: Maybe Ray’ll take that turd [a cigar] he’s been suckin up with him.

3. an obnoxious person or thing; also attrib. [fig. resemblance].

1983		S. King Christine 361: [He] wants to know how come the kid is lying about how much damage Repperton and his dogturd friends [...] did to Cunningham’s Plymouth.
1989		(con. 1968) W.E. Merritt Where the Rivers Ran Backward 250: You come across that pasty-faced dog turd, throw me a favor. If your bladder’s empty, spit on him for me.
1989		C. Hiaasen Skin Tight 255: Wong, please get this dog turd out of my sight.
2006		posting at Drowned in Sound 27 June 🌐 It [i.e. a record] is total dog turd and not worth anything.

resembling a piece of excrement.

2020

G. Disher Consolation 270: Turdy little dried-out teabags on saucers.

lit. a ball of excrement, used as a derog. descriptor.

1986

T. Philbin Under Cover 264: You no-good cocksucker of a scumbag asswipe of a shitface humphead shiteating turdball motherfucker.

(N.Z. prison) a homosexual.

2001

D. Looser Boobslang [U. Canterbury D.Phil. thesis] 194/1: turd bender n. a homosexual.

a general term of abuse .

2016

Guardian CiF 10 Dec. 🌐 Mark Lilla, whoever that turd blossom is, isn't leading this charge.

a general term of abuse; lit. one whose breath stinks of excrement.

2012

J. Fagan Panopticon (2013) 81: ‘What are you wearing, kitty cool?’ ‘I’m naked, Turd-breath,’ I text it back.

(Aus.) a term of abuse.

2001

Sydney Morning Herald (Aus.) 6 Jan. n.p.: So here’s a tentative guide to Sydney teenspeak: [...] Turd burger (someone you don’t like).

1. (orig. Aus.) a homosexual man; thus turd-burgling n. and adj.

1972		K. Bonfiglioli Don’t Point That Thing at Me (1991) 30: How air oo hoe your hace here, oo hurd-murgling hod?
1985		B. Humphries Traveller’s Tool 28: Craig is a far cry from being a latent turd-burglar.
1985		‘Jennifer Blowdryer’ Modern English 51: turd burglar (n): Homosexual.
1986		F. Taylor Auf Wiedersehen Pet Two 96: I’m talkin’ about comradeship, not turd-burglin’!
1999		J. Stahl Perv (2001) 36: The poor shnook figured if he had some Moms down there maybe the turd-burglars would spare his keister.
2001		P. Meditzy ‘A Day In The Life Of...’ 29 Apr. 🌐 I’ve considered turning gay but those camp ‘turd burgling’ ‘chutney ferrets’ make me sick.
2001		D. Looser Boobslang [U. Canterbury D.Phil. thesis] 194/1: turd burglar n. a homosexual; a homosexual rapist.
2002		I-94Bar 3:11 🌐 Yep, when you hear a poof joke, you might bite your tongue in these politically correct days, but these guys bite their pillows. They’re matress munchers – and proud of it. Turd burglars. Drillers for Vegimite.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 218: turd bandit [...] Active male homosexual. ANZ.
2006		D. Mitchell Black Swan Green 91: Better order an ambulance, Turd Burglar.
2013		J. Stahl Bad Sex on Speed 58: That’s what the kid thinks I am. A ball-smelling turd-burglar.

2. attrib. use of sense 1.

2004

J. Ellroy ‘Hot-Prowl Rape-O’ in Destination: Morgue! (2004) 258: Gay Getchellaphobics stormed the hospital [...] He survived this turd-burglar tyranny and hid out at home.

brown.

1700		T. Brown Amusements Serious and Comical in Works (1744) III 138: Out, you nasty, t--d-colour’d dog.
1998		L. Stringer Grand Central Winter (1999) 29: Its ugly turd-colored doors.

(US campus) the buttocks; the anus.

1998		Eble Campus Sl. Apr. 10: turd cutter – fanny. Also butt.
2015		A. Schumer ‘Milk Milk Lemonade’ 🎵 Turd cutter / Loaf pitcher / Dookie maker / Fudge machine .

see turd-strangling adj.

a self-aggrandising fool, devoid of self-knowledge; a lickspittle.

2001		C. Hiaasen Sick Puppy 172: You’re nothing but a world-class turd fondler who's making up stories in order to shake me down for an extra fifty large.
2005		Urban Dict. 🌐 turd-fondler. The implication that a person indulges in the fondling of fecal matter. A thoroughly despicable person often of dubious legitimacy and sexual ambivalence.
2016		C. Hiaasen Razor Girl 32: He was spotted by a junior turd fondler from William Morris Endeavor named Kane Drucker.

breeches.

c.1786

Grose Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue ms. additions .

a term of abuse.

1952		(con. 1948) G. Mandel Flee the Angry Strangers 208: Problems? Listen you old turdhead, you ain’t seen problem one.
1962		(con. 1940s) G. Mandel Wax Boom 36: I’ll knock out your fucking eyes, shit in the holes, and call you ole turd-head!
1975		J. Roe The Same Old Grind 121: ‘I’ll rip your balls off, turdhead’.

(US) a yokel, a peasant.

1965

A. Green in Journal of Amer. Folklore 🌐 My personal vocabulary of such catch-names was enriched [...] to include ridge-runner, appleknocker, cherrypicker, and turdkicker.

(orig. US) a homosexual.

1941		G. Legman ‘Lang. of Homosexuality’ Appendix VII in Henry Sex Variants.
1964		B. Jackson Get Your Ass in the Water (1974) 146: Say, there was asshole shellackers and shitpackers / and freaks who drunk blood from a menstruatin’ womb.
1965		Guild Dict. Homosexual Terms 46: turd packer (n.): A pedicator. (Slang.).
1972		B. Rodgers Queens’ Vernacular 18: the man who fucks in anal intercourse, as opposed to the one who is fucked [...] turd packer (’40s).
1999		G. Seal Lingo 115: This hardly exhausts the terms used to describe homosexuals in Lingo, all of which are unrelievedly pejorative and include, but are not restricted to: [...] turd-tapper; turd-packer; doughnut-puncher [...] and fag.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 218: turd bandit [...] tapper Active male homosexual. ANZ.

(US campus) an unappealing and stupid person.

1988

Eble Campus Sl. Oct. 9: turd poodle – nerd: Sometimes Susan can be such a turd poodle.

a homosexual; thus punch turds v.

1979		J. Morrow Confessions of Proinsias O’Toole 59: If you can dip your wick when all about you / Are punching turds or playing wanker’s whist. [Ibid.] 139: She’d caught on that our Cavan neighbour was something other than the peculiar spoilt priest she’d taken him for – ‘A culchie turd-puncher!’.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 218: turd bandit/puncher/tapper Active male homosexual. ANZ.

(US) a homosexual.

2008

Simon & Burns ‘Get Some’ Generation Kill ep. 1 [TV script] ‘We captured a gay Iraqi.’ ‘Hold that turd-pusher up.’.

see separate entries.

said of those whose relationship fluctuates violently, they are either the closest of friends or the deepest of enemies.

1672		J. Phillips Maronides (1678) VI 19: The Ancient Jade [i.e. Venus], all turd, all honey.
c.1786		Grose Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue ms. additions n.p.: It is all honey or all T—d with them said of person who are either in the extremities of friendship or enmity either Kissing or Quarrelling.
1796		Grose Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue (3rd edn).
1811		Lex. Balatronicum.
1823		Egan Grose’s Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue.

(Aus.) extremely unpopular.

1999

G. Seal Lingo 127: There are [...] subtle gradations in the types of stupidity, thoughtlessness, hopelessness, incapacity and sheer ineptitude that may come in for verbal censure. A person may be: [...] as popular as a turd in the fruit salad.

an insignificant individual.

1986

S. King It (1987) 510: That doesn’t make me feel so good, Mike. In fact it makes me feel sort of like a bugturd.

to excrete.

1890–1904

Farmer & Henley Sl. and Its Analogues.

excellent, first-rate, very fine.

c.1786		Grose Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue ms. additions .
1788, 1796		Grose Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue (2nd, 3rd edn).
1811		Lex. Balatronicum.
1823		Egan Grose’s Classical Dict. of the Vulgar Tongue.

(Can.) said of a particularly mean person.

2001		B. Townsend Hall Happy Event 🌐 I’m surprised she didn’t charge us. She’d skin a turd to save a farthing, that one.
2024		J. Meades Empty Wigs (t/s) 208: [S]o mean he’d skin a turd for a farthing.

see under steam n.

see separate entry.

to work, talk etc, unsuccessfully, against the odds.

1988		McGill Dict. of Kiwi Sl. 88/2: push shit uphill attempt the impossible. [Ibid.] push a turd uphill with a toothpick army version of preceding.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 164: push a turd uphill with a toothpick Very hard work. push shit uphill Hard work. It becomes nigh on impossible if add with a pointed stick/a rubber fork. ANZ.

(orig. US) to terrify.

1969

D. Pendleton Executioner (1973) 37: Scares bird turds outta you handling those little explosives, don’t it?

a general phr. of dismissal, i.e. go to hell.

1653		Rabelais Author’s Prologue (trans.) Gargantua and Pantagruel I 6: So saith a Turlupin or a new start-up grub of my books, but a turd for him.
1658		Mennis & Smith ‘A Poeticall Poem to Mistresse Bess Sarney’ Wit Restor’d (1817) 219: Thy breath is stronger than a douzen jakes are. A fart for all perfumes, a turd for roses.
1696		Motteux (trans.) Gargantua and Pantagruel (1927) II Bk IV 264: A turd on it, said the skipper to his preaching passenger, what a fiddle-faddle have we here.
1698		N. Ward London Spy I 2: A T— d for Descartes and his Philosophy.

(US) a general term of abuse; also attrib.

1999		T. Mangan ‘The California Experiment’ at Tom.Mangan.com 🌐 Surely you’ve heard the description of something ‘standing out like a turd in a punchbowl.’ [...] You don’t need a degree in art history or architecture to see how silly these houses look, how turd-in-the-punchbowl out of place they are.
2003		J. Doolittle Journal 22 May at BadAttitudes.com 🌐 ‘The Turd in the Punchbowl’ New York Times reporter Chris Hedges was booed from the stage during his commencement speech at Rockford College this week, as most of us probably know.

go to hell! (and stay there).

c.1540		J. Heywood Four P.P. in Farmer Dramatic Writings (1905) 59: Then ten of my turds in ten of thy teeth. And ten on thy nose.
c.1566		Harman Caveat for Common Cursetours in Viles & Furnivall (1907) 86: Gerry gan, the ruffian clye thee. A torde in thy mouth, the deuyll take thee.
1575-83		‘Bashe Libel’ in May & Bryson Verse Libel 84: To tell which turd may please you best: / A childe’s turd or a man’s turd? / The deville’s turd or his dam’s turd? / [...] / Turd in your teeth and there’s an end.
1599		Nashe Praise of the Red Herring 75: Another drudge of the pudding house [...] sayes I might as well haue writte of a dogges turde (in his teeth surreuerence).
c.1607		Beaumont & Fletcher Knight of the Burning Pestle III ii: Now a Churles fart in your teeth sir.
1614		Jonson Bartholomew Fair I iv: Good Master Hornet, turd i’ your teeth [...] Your father was a ’pothecary, and sold glisters, more than he gave, I wusse: and turd i’ your little wife’s teeth too.
1640		‘Mary Tattle-well’ Womens sharpe revenge 105: Tom Turd in thy teeth.
1656		Mennis & Smith et al. ‘A Song’ in Wit and Drollery 22: Cupid is blind they say, But yet methinkes he seeth; He struck my heart to day, A Turd in Cupids teeth.
1661		Antidote Against Melancholy in Ebsworth Choyce Drollery (1876) 153: But to part with my mon[e]y I do not intend / Then a t[ur]d in thy teeth, and an old house end.
1672		Windsor Drollery 30: [as cit. 1661].
1690		Pagan Prince 120: They would not so much as vouchsafe him a T--- in his Teeth, but kept themselves husht and quiet.
1776		G. Hunter ‘Androboros’ in Meserve & Reardon Satiric Comedies (1969) 23: You’ll have it a T---, A T--- in your Teeth.
1863		(con. mid-17C) G.A. Sala Strange Adventures of Captain Dangerous 82: ‘Woman yourself!’ cried Moll Drum, in a rage. ‘Woman yourself, and T--- in your teeth.’.