Green’s Dictionary of Slang

(US) a large amount.

1974

(con. 1960s) R. Price Wanderers 38: ‘You know how much that fat fuck Lipschitz takes in a year? A week? A day?’ [...] ‘I don't know either, but I betcha it’s a titload,’ Lenny said’.

(US) featuring bare-breasted women; having attractive breasts.

1977		L. Heinemann Close Quarters (1987) 139: His nose in one of those titsy, he-man pulp magazines.
1986		L. Heinemann Paco’s Story (1987) 43: One of those waxy-looking, titsy little Kewpie-doll air freshners.

see tits and ass adj.

see tits and ass n.

1. a brassiere.

1981		Spears Sl. and Euph.
1994		G. Greer Madwoman’s Underclothes 102: On horseback, even I wear a tit-bag.

2. a term of abuse.

1960		P. & I. Opie Lore and Lang. of Schoolchildren 189: In Liverpool [...] they name him a ‘tit-bag.’.
2003		posting at groups.google.co.uk 1 Aug. 🌐 You complete and utter headfucked tit-bag.

see separate entries.

1. a general term of abuse.

1989		M. Amis London Fields 446: Just a kid. In a uniform. Fucking tithead.
1999		K. Sampson Powder 5: Slipped up there, tithead.

2. a weakling.

1998

K. Sampson Awaydays 107: Our damien. He’s only a little tithead. No threat to no one.

3. an English policeman.

1989		J. Morton Lowspeak.
2001		OnLine Dict. of Playground Sl. 🌐 tit-head n. derog. rude name for a policeman f. their hats which are a pointy shape with nipple like protruberance on top circa.
2008		S. Lewis Bad Traffic 148: She was escorting two real policemen [...] They had flat hats, which perhaps meant they were a higher rank than your usual tithead.

1. (US police, also teat job) a very easy, stress-free task.

1968		G. Radano Walking the Beat 135: Paul had no rabbis. He had no hooks. He had nothing. This meant he would never get a ‘tit’ job. When one has a cushy assignment the other cops refer to him as being ‘on the tit’ or ‘milking the tit’.
1973		E.F. Droge Patrolman 179: The fact that I had decided to leave, giving up my duties in the street for a ‘teat job’ in the station house, did not prevent me from functioning as a police officer.
1991		B. McCarthy Vice Cop 39: ‘I was in Traffic, Gussman’s chauffeur, another tit-job’.

2. see boob job under boob n.³

(US) a womanizer.

1977

Maledicta 1 (Summer) 10: One was once insulted by being accused of [...] being [...] a chippy-chaser, a cunt-hound, [...] or even a tit-kisser, which really just means a seducer.

a flat-chested woman.

1954		M. Thompson Not as a Stranger 139: ‘The fat lady and the titless wonder!’.
1969		C. Dyer Staircase 35: [A] snooty Florist set up by her daddy and known as the Titless Wonder;.
1975		J. Roe Same Old Grind 124: ‘You got to be a titless wonder to be a fashion model’.
1984		Partridge DSUE (8th edn) 1240: [...] since ca. 1930.
1988		M. Atwood Cat’s Eye (1989) 347: A woman artist can get admired by them only as a sideline, a sort of freaky exception. ‘Titless wonders,’ says Jody.

a man who finds a woman’s breasts her most appealing feature; as opposed to an ass-man under ass n.

1960		(con. 1930s) R. Barber Night They Raided Minsky’s (1968) 260: ‘Why don’t she take off the top part and give a look at her knockers?’ ‘You got one track onna mind, Joe. Maybe everyone else ain’t such a big tit man as you.’.
1975		J. Roe The Same Old Grind 117: ‘Nobody here’s going to bite you, except maybe Walter the Tit Man’.
1976		N. Thornburg Cutter and Bone (2001) 195: ‘Yeah, they’re pretty great [...] All thirty-four inches.’ ‘I’m not a tits man.’.
1985		‘Thommo’ Dict. Aus. Swearing & Sex Sayings 129: TITMAN — A male preferring tits, to legs, bums, faces or body shape when fantasizing or perving.
1986		S. King It (1987) 113: She had [...] the best set of tits he had ever seen. Tom Rogan was a tit-man, always had been.
1989		Guardian 27 Nov. 25/8: Was not Rubens a Tit and Bum man?
1990		R.G. Barratt ‘Take Derryn Hinch...Please’ in What Do You Reckon (1997) [ebook] He’s a tit man. I don’t mind a good set of boobs. And evidently neither does Derryn.
1993		T. Jones Pugilist at Rest 131: J.Z. was a tit man and [...] his big bitch was the fact that my mother breast-fed me, causing hers to soften up.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 213: tits and bums man One who trumpets the attractiveness of women with prominent breasts and buttocks.

(Aus.) the caressing of a woman’s breasts.

1979

Lette & Carey Puberty Blues 23: He’d lead you outside for a pash on the front fence, or [...] a ‘tit-off’ down the other end of the hall.

a brassiere.

1999

Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 98 Oct. 28: tit pants n. A bra.

(N.Z.) of a woman, proud of one’s breasts.

1956

Numbers five May 16: This is no question to obsess his heart while juke box melodies can graph a tit-proud blonde to tickle up desire.

(N.Z.) a dairy farmer.

2003

McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl.

see under tits and ass.

see separate entries.

see tits and ass n.

totally involved with, with an excessive amount of.

2001

J. Stahl Plainclothes Naked (2002) 109: He was tits-deep in a criminal venture — protecting Tina made him an accessory to murder.

a burlesque or striptease show.

1968		T. Wolfe Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (1969) 11: Dentists here for the convention browsed in search of the beatniks between tit shows.
1977		S. Berkoff East in Decadence and Other Plays (1985) 81: We’ll protect their bit of trade, / The hard porn and tit shows.
1984		W. Diehl Hooligans (2003) 45: You stand out like a blind man at a tit show.

see tit man

(S.Afr.) the hands, not necessarily in a sexual context.

2001

OnLine Dict. of Playground Sl. 🌐 tit spanners n. hands ‘Keep your tit spanners off my lunch!’.

(US) a weak, babyish person.

1947

C. Willingham End as a Man (1952) 73: The reason is you’re a yellow tit-sucker.

1. an act of intercourse in which the man rubs his penis between the woman’s breasts; cite 2012 refers to the woman’s rubbing her breasts on the man’s head .

1993–2003		titwanker posting at Urban Dict. 10 Apr. 2003 🌐 titwank The act of pleasuring oneself by thrusting the erect member between a generous pair of bristols. Typically concludes with the delivery of a pearl necklace. Phwoaar! She’s got a shirtfull. I’d love a good titwank in those.
2012		R. Milward Kimberly’s Capital Punishment (2023) 90: I managed to give one of the lad’s heads a slight tit-wank.

2. a general term of abuse.

1993–2003

Shizzle Fo Real Urban Dict. 🌐 titwank a.k.a. Spud. Defining the utmost stupidity and worthlessness of someone, also used as a generic pronound [sic] to insult someone in the aforementionned known-as. Originally mentionned by ‘Banzai.’ You’re welcome titwank. Fuck off, titwank.

used to describe a woman who capitalizes on her physical charms, esp. her smile and (presumably) large breasts, to make up for the lack of more subtle attractions; sometimes expanded by ...like a third-row chorus-girl.

1979		Sun. Mirror n.p.: I was sharing the slot with a very sexy looking black cabaret artiste. All tits and teeth and a lousy voice.
1984		Partridge DSUE (8th edn) 15/1: since ca. 1910.
1995		Stage (London) 9 Mar. 27/6: The beginning of her career when women were expected to be ‘all tits and teeth’.
1999		www.filethirteen.com 🌐 Denise Richards is all tits. And teeth. She has nothing else to offer here. Her performance is laughable.
2001		Sydney Morning Herald 18 Aug. n.p.: And then there is Rose, the ghastly Rose. I met her once, in a radio studio [...] She came at me all tits and teeth, like a Manila bar girl.

1. a woman regarded as a sex object.

1963		D.S. Leslie Two Gentlemen Sharing 201: Nice bit of tit. Who is she?
1972		A. Sinclair Magog 39: Nice bit of tit, her. Got it made, ain't you, cocko?
1984		Partridge DSUE (8th edn) 84/2: since ca. 1920.
1995		J. Cameron Vinnie Got Blown Away 30: That Noreen, not just the most beautiful bit of tit you ever saw, body like Whitney Houston.
2001		I. Welsh Glue 33: Thir is a barry bit ay tit thair awright.

2. sexual intercourse.

1984

Partridge DSUE (8th edn) 84/2: since ca. 1920.

(US) a woman with large breasts.

1974

C. Loken Come Monday Morning 63: If she didn’t show that bushel ’a tits down at the end would do.

(N.Z.) the greatest possible effort.

1988		McGill Dict. of Kiwi Sl. 47/1: full tit maximum effort, usually from a car; eg ‘I gave her full tit, man, and we were still only doin’ 70.’.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. [as cit. 1988].

(US) to be upset, to be in a frightening situation (cf. get one’s knickers in a twist under knickers n.).

1961		R.S. Close With Hooves of Brass 63: ‘Gawd! I’ve never laughed so much since Aunt Katie got her tit in the mangle!’.
1978		Tracks (Aus.) Oct. 3: We really got our tits in a twist when we read about you DY locals owning the point [Moore 1993].
1982		H. Beaton Outside In I i: Now don’t get your tits in a tangle.
1983		J. Byrell (con. 1959) Up the Cross 17: ‘Don’t get your walters [i.e walter mittys = titties] in a tangle’.
1985		(con. 1968) D.A. Dye Citadel (1989) 36: Figures them Doggies would get their tits in a wringer.
1985		‘Thommo’ Dict. Aus. Swearing & Sex Sayings 36: DON’T GET YOUR TITS IN A TWIST — Don’t get upset.
1997–2002		Alt. Eng. Dict. 🌐 one’s tits in a knot be upset, used as a complement of ‘get’, ‘have’, ‘keep, etc.: ‘John got his tits in a knot and he kept them there.’.
2001		(con. 1964–8) J. Ellroy Cold Six Thousand 20: Wait now — don’t get your tits in a twist.
2003		C. Stella Charlie Opera 3: You ever hear of getting your tit in a ringer [...] Because that’s what this could be like.
2010		W. Bell Easy Money 159: ‘No need to get your tits in a tangle.’ ‘You know I hate you calling him a wop,’ she snapped.

to act in an uninhibited manner; usu. of a woman, but not necessarily so.

1999		N. Cohn Yes We have No 186: She [...] really taught me to get my tits out.
2000		Indep. 21 June 3: We drank 16 bottles of champagne last year [...] And then a girl got her tits out for us.

to infuriate, to annoy.

1935		M. Harrison Spring in Tartarus 327: It isn’t you, Holy Jesus, that I’m rorting at. But honestly, this sort of tommy just gets on my teats.
c.1943		S .J. Baker Aus. Vulgarisms [t/s] 14: tit, get on someone’s: To annoy or anger a person.
1951		D. Stivens Jimmy Brockett 121: Her mother picked on Sadie the whole time. [...] It got on my tit.
1956		P. Wildeblood Way of Life 143: You fair get on my tits.
1960		G.W. Target Teachers (1962) 188: They get on my tit-ends, they do, straight.
1971		J. Mandelkau Buttons 47: I don’t mind the Old Testament so much [...] but the New Testament gets on my tits.
1976		P. Theroux Family Arsenal 25: Now get off my tits.
1981		W. Russell Educating Rita I iii: This Forster, honest to God he doesn’t half get on my tits.
1999		Observer Mag. 31 Oct. 21: They’re always trying to make contact, and it gets on my tits.
2009		J. Joso Soothing Music for Stray Cats 13: The whole thing had been getting on Trudy’s tits.
2012		(con. 1980s) I. Welsh Skagboys 336: I gotta say that he’s getting right on my farking tits.
2018		I. Welsh Dead Man’s Trousers [20]: — I can’t do this! Euan pleads in that girly voice that is getting on my tits.

of a (young) man, to caress a girl’s breasts.

2018

I. Welsh Dead Man’s Trousers 43: He got the tit from a cousin’s visiting friend.

(Can.) to find oneself in trouble, in an unpleasant situation.

1984

Partridge DSUE (8th edn) 1240: [...] low Can.: since ca. 1920.

(US) to be in difficulties, to be foolish.

1952		J. Jones From Here to Eternity (1998) 859: I aint had so much fun since grandmaw got her tit caught in the wringer.
1958		J. Garrett And Save Them for Pallbearers 179: ’Don’t get your tit caught in a wringer.’ ‘Screw you; come back after chow’ .
1972		G.V. Higgins Friends of Eddie Coyle 70: He’s got this kind of a tense expression [...] like he thinks maybe he’s got his tit caught in the wringer.
1972		J. Mitchell to Carl Bernstein 31 May in Bernstein & Woodward All the President’s Men (1974) 105: All that crap, you’re putting it in the paper? It’s all been denied. Katie Graham’s gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that’s published.
1995		R. Campbell Wizard of La-La Land (1999) 194: You watch it or your tit’s going to be in the wringer.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 99: haven’t laughed so much since Granny got her tit caught in the wringer Grossly amused.

see have someone/something by the balls under balls n.

(US) to be patient.

1990		P. Hotz Muzukuru 28: ‘Hell, keep your tits tied on,’ I chune her.
1997–2002		Alt. Eng. Dict. 🌐 one’s tits on (prepositional phrase, a small clause; idiom). be patient. Used as a complement of ‘keep, etc.: ‘John kept his tits on.’ .
2001		Z. Smith White Teeth n.p.: ‘There’s shoes back here that need your attention,’ came a voice from the store room. ‘Keep your tits on,’ said Neena.

(UK black) to run errands and perform small tasks.

1992

in R. Graef Living Dangerously 169: Aged nine, my little nephew is lickin’ tits.

living in luxury or ease, overly protected.

1968		G. Radano Walking the Beat 135: Paul had no rabbis. He had no hooks. He had nothing. This meant he would never get a ‘tit’ job. When one has a cushy assignment the other cops refer to him as being ‘on the tit’ or ‘milking the tit’.
1971		T. Whitmore Memphis-Nam-Sweden (1997) 94: My buddies were getting shot up in the Nam while these dudes are living off the tit in Japan.
1974		G. Radano Stories Cops Only Tell Each Other 59: ‘[N]early all the guys who came on the job with me had gone on to greener pastures. Some had become sergeants [...] others were milking the tit in special details’.
2002		‘Unions Suck’ ‘Talk to the Station’ WNLI FM 🌐 Unfortunately there are too many people living off the tit of the government that if that were to happen would just resort to crime or die.

not to care in the slightest.

1958		(con. 1940s) B. Behan Borstal Boy 22: Who would give a fish’s tit about you.
1958		(con. 1950) E. Frankel Band of Brothers 31: I don’t give a rat’s tit that he’s black.
1965		(con. 1940s) B. Behan Confessions 105: I don’t give a fish’s tit what she is.
2009		Q. Jardine Fatal Last Words n.p.: If the bosses say that my investigation has effectively become part of yours [...] I do not give a fish’s tit.
2010		R. Hudson Kilburn Social Club 382: You might not give a fish’s tit about football's preening layabouts.

1. intoxicated by drugs.

1978		L. Kramer Faggots 247: Winnie Heinz — in his half-naked Indian costume and further angel-dusted out of his tits.
1998		Spin Apr. 84/1: Cook— better known as Fatboy Slim— is also ‘off his tits,’ having knocked back a naughty pill of Ecstasy just before going onstage.
2004		P. Howard PS, I Scored the Bridesmaids 149: The dude was coked off his tits.
2005		A. Lovejoy Acid Alex 164: The way to smoke a white pipe is to just hit it once as hard as possible and hold it. And hold it. And rush off your tits.
2006		B. Matthews Intractable [ebook] Haley gave me a joint. That night I got stoned off my tits.
2008		S. Portnoy Butcher, Baler, Candlestick Maker 43: A guy I met - cute but off his tits on coke - suggested group sex.
2010		L. Redhead Thrill City [ebook] Call back when you’ve straightened out. Yes you are, you’re off your tits.

2. very drunk.

1999		J. Poller Reach 18: Last night, I was absolutely off my tits at that awful cocktail thing at Clare.
2000		J. Hawes Dead Long Enough 9: Samuel Pepys had, according to his diary, a quick Sherman during the sermon while off his tits on sherry.
2004		P. Howard PS, I Scored the Bridesmaids 26: It could have been anything [...] because I was off my tits.
2004		L. Redhead Peepshow [ebook] Chloe and me had been rampaging around, off our tits.
2010		J.J. Borg Deadly Friends 257: Two or three sips and he was off his tits, one glass and he was out cold.
2015		S. King Finders Keepers (2016) 75: He could see himself in a bar [...] drunk off his tits.

3. an intensifier, meaning extremely bored.

1989		R.G. Barratt ‘Tall Poppies Deserve Shrift’ in What Do You Reckon (1997) [ebook] Frank Hardy summed up the America’s Cup in a few succinct words: ‘The new rich, fighting the old rich, and boring the tits off the poor.’.
1998		J. O’Connor Salesman 309: I was bored outta me tits.
2000		P. Howard Miseducation of Ross O’Carroll-Kelly (2004) 98: I’m bored off my tits at this stage.
2005		P. Howard Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightdress 25: I was bored off my tits.

a general intensifer.

1992		M. Coleman Fatty 239: ‘He was screaming and shouting his tits off if someone dropped the ball’.
2000		N. Griffiths Grits 437: Buzzin me tits off, legs fucked from dancin awl night, drums still bangin in me ears.
2003		K. Cage Gayle 93/2: scream your tits off v. have a good time (It was the best party ever. We screamed our tits off).
2007		R. Milward Apples (2023) 104: I’m tripping my tits off. Gaz gave us these pills.
2008		J. Niven Kill Your Friends (2009) 47: ‘How’s the album coming?’ [...] ‘It’s gonna blow your fucking tits off’.
2014		T.M. Simmler ‘Suicide Chump’ in ThugLit July [ebook] ‘If I still did coke, I’d be laughing my tits off’.
2017		T. Spicer Good Girl Stripped Bare 29: The previous week I’d frozen my tits off after she confisacted my only cardie.

(US campus) pursuing, lit. or fig, thus being annoying.

1989

P. Munro Sl. U. 31: be on my tit to be persistently pursuing me (especially sexually; used by a female speaker).

feeling angry, aggrieved.

1948

H. McCoy Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye in Four Novels (1983) 136: How do you think those guys feel? I been on the hind tit myself.

(Aus./US) in some form of dependency.

1968		G. Radano Walking the Beat 135: Paul had no rabbis. He had no hooks. He had nothing. This meant he would never get a ‘tit’ job. When one has a cushy assignment the other cops refer to him as being ‘on the tit’ or ‘milking the tit’.
1983		B. Gelb Vanished Brass 119: [H]eadquarters was the breast at which career cops nursed. The field men sneered at the headquarters men, said they were On the Tit.
2005		P. Temple Broken Shore (2007) [ebook] I’m a late starter, still got two kids on the tit.

(Aus./N.Z.) to tease.

1947		D. Davin For the Rest of Our Lives 331: Don’t get knotted, Franky boy. I’m just pulling your tit.
1959		G. Slatter Gun in My Hand 194: Is Croxley going the same way? Or is he pulling my tit?
1968		(con. 1940s) G. Dutton Andy 42: By Saint Peter the Patron Saint of Service Police may the breath of hell reach up and smite me if I pull thy tit.
1988		McGill Dict. of Kiwi Sl. 88/2: pull someone’s tit to make a fool of or tease.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. [as cit. 1988].

(Aus.) to discomfit, to embarrass, to irritate someone.

2003

McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 213: tits in a tangle In difficulty [...] Refers to the problems associated with the clothes mangle attached to washing machines in the days before spin-drying. ANZ.

a sexually attractive woman.

1975

J. Wambaugh Choirboys (1976) 240: Take a look at the set of tits works the perfume counter [...] Dynamite!

1. to be inferior, to take a secondary role; thus hind tit n., bad, unfair treatment.

1938		‘Fifth Ozark Word List’ in AS XIII:4 Dec. 314/2: suck the hind tit v.phr. To get the worst of everything.
1948		H. McCoy Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye in Four Novels (1983) 130: ‘What’s going on, Ray?’ he asked. ‘The same thing that’s been going on for years. We’re still sucking the hind tit.’.
1952		J. Jones From Here to Eternity (1998) 218: That sort of leaves you suckin hind tit [...] Don’t it?
1953		S. Bellow Augie March (1996) 158: I seen she’s been trying to make you suck hind titty. But the thing is why you let her.
1967		W. Murray Sweet Ride 170: Go suck hind tit.
1976		H. Selby Jr Demon (1979) 100: I [...] aint to be sucking hind tit around here. Im on my way.
1983		(con. 1970) S. Wright Meditations in Green (1985) 155: ‘I don’t know,’ said Captain Miller to Claypool. ‘This was where you were supposed to strut your stuff [...] And us sucking hind tit on body count.’.
1991		D. Jenkins You Gotta Play Hurt 320: [I]t just goes to show you, Stubby said, how a school like TCU has to suck hind tit when it comes to national publicity.
2006		A.D. Brown News-Daze 27: If you get any more crap from the agencies, tell them they'll be sucking hind tit when it comes to preferential buys this fall.
2012		D. Wright Blood on the Bluegrass 93: As raw recruits, they would be left sucking hind tit.

2. to curry favour.

1967		(con. 1920s) J. Thompson South of Heaven (1994) 204: I told him he could go suck hind titty from a tumblebug.
1981		G.V. Higgins Rat on Fire (1982) 3: He is sucking every minority and majority hind tit he can find.

(US) something comforting, someone desirable; thus as term of address.

1914		E. Pound letter 14 Feb. in Read Letters to James Joyce (1968) 25: Also, as you see, the S.S. is disposed in your favour IF you have any sugar tits for ’em.
1935		N. Algren Somebody in Boots 118: I’ll give you a nice job. Easy. Soft. You know? Soft as sugar-titty. You like sugar-titty, sonny?
1947–53		W. Guthrie Seeds of Man (1995) 270: I’m a-itcherin’ my pants off ta chew chaw on that there little ole sugar tit Rinny.
1960		(con. 1940s) I. Freeman Out of the Burning (1961) 28: ’Bout time you got off your mother’s sugar tit. Anybody socks you, sock him back twice as hard.
1970		E. Thompson Garden of Sand (1981) 319: She’ll give you some sugar-tit and tell you what a great big boy you are.
2021		T. Pluck Boy from County Hell 142: ‘Well, sugar tits, he went to a honky tonk much like this one. It was a real shit hole’.

a male-to-female term of affection.

1999

Roger’s Profanisaurus in Viz 98 Oct. 27: sweet tits n. Affectionate male term of endearment for females. ‘Good-night, good-night! / Parting is such sweet sorrow / That I shall say good-night until it be morrow, sweet tits’, (from ‘Romeo and Juliet’ by William Shakespeare).

(Aus.) to caress a woman’s breasts.

1979

Lette & Carey Puberty Blues 24: At South Cronulla we’d let the boys ‘tit-us-off’ and occasionally get a hand down our pants.

(US) pertaining to teenage love and sex.

1989

H. Rawson Dict. of Invective (1991) 388: Since added to with such common phrases as [...] tits and zits, having to do with the passion of teenagers.

something utterly useless; usu. in phr. no more use than tits on a bull etc (cf. useless as tits on a nun ).

1930		B.A. Botkin Folk-Say 107: You’re just as useless as tits on a boar hog.
1946		B. Field Piper Tomkins 119: By God, neither of them ever done me any more good than the tits on a boar hog!
1958		C. Carlile As I Was Young and Easy 78: The Doc saying how dogs was as worthless as tits on a boar hog. The Doc didn’t like dogs.
1962		J.E. Bassett Harm’s Way 191: When my class at Harvard got together at a reunion, you’d be surprised how many fellows felt the same way. Useless as tits on a boar hog.
1974		J. Baumbach Reruns 55: The Champ don’t think you’re worth tits on a boar hog, Kid.
1977		(con. 1969) M. Herr Dispatches 6: ‘Didn’t you ever meet a reporter before?’ I asked him. ‘Tits on a bull,’ he said. ‘Nothing personal.’.
1982		(con. 1970) J.M. Del Vecchio 13th Valley (1983) 83: ‘Thaht weapon goan get so heavy you’re goan cuss it like tits on a bull.’.
1985		R.G. Barrett You Wouldn’t Be Dead for Quids (1989) n.p.: That german shepherd was about as much use as tits on a bull.
1987		P. Benchley Q Clearance 39: Son, that’s about as much use to me as tits on a canary.
1987		J.C. Hale Jailing of Cecelia Capture 47: ‘Useless as tits on a boar!’ And if she tried to get away she would be grabbed and pulled back.
1999		S. Cunningham et al. Red Dust and Broadsides 186: And don’t stand there useless as the tits on a boar hog.
2007		L. Redhead Cherry Pie [ebook] ‘He was clueless, useless as tits on a bull’.
2009		R.J. Dewar Savage Factory 22: These types of people are as useless as tits on a boar hog.
2012		M. McBride Frank Sinatra in a Blender [ebook] Johnny No Nuts was as useless as tits on a fish.
2014		M. McBride Swollen Red Sun 92: ‘You’re about as a worthless as titties on a catfish’.
2016		Mother Jones July/Aug. 🌐 He is a reader of old westerns and an aficionado of Civil War reenactments. He uses words like ‘gadzooks’ and phrases like ‘useful as tits on a boar hog’.

(N.Z.) belly-pickled pork on toast.

1985		(ref. to c.1916) in C. Hunt I’m Ninety-five 29: We’d make dumplings, too, fried up in the camp oven. Buggers afloat we called them... And what did we call the poached eggs? A pair of bastards on a raft, and we’d have tits on toast – belly pickled pork on toast. I still use those old names; everyone laughs at me.
2003		McGill Reed Dict. of N.Z. Sl. 214: tits on toast A serving on toast of bellypork, which usually has the nipples attached.

(US) exceptional.

2024

Bluesky 5 Apr. 🌐 I read Jane Flett's upcoming Freakslaw [...] and it is a tits-out banger. I loved it. [...] It's so freaking good.

(orig. Can. prison) dead, i.e. laid out on one’s back; thus in fig. use, ruined, destroyed; esp. in phr. go/gone tits-up.

1994		J. Wambaugh Finnegan’s Week 146: Croaked. All the ants went tits-up.
2003		N. Griffiths Stump 226: I’m talkin about when a job goes tits up. When [...] yeh can’t get the fuckin thing sorted.
2007		Indep. 16 May 30/6: Whose arse is it on the line if the whole thing goes tits up?
2010		M. Williams [blog] 3 Dec. But culturally nourishing as though this may sound, just recently it’s all started to go tits-up.
2012		(con. 1980s) I. Welsh Skagboys 190: That sort ay unselective breedin dilutes the fortitude ay a race. The morals go tits up.
2015		S. King Finders Keepers (2016) 114: The investments [...] had gone tits-up.
2017		Times 11 June 🌐 ‘From the manifesto on, it [i.e. the Tory campaign] was all tits up,’ said a seasoned Tory operative.
2017		T. Spicer Good Girl Stripped Bare 23: Worrying whether I’ll go tits-up on the slippery studio floor.
2021		J. Ellroy Widespread Panic 240: He’ll go tits up in some sort of embarrassing leather-bar altercation.
2023		M. Herron Secret Hours 248: ‘Why the play-acting?’ ‘Because the job’s going tits up, that’s why’.

to fondle a woman’s breasts.

1966

P. Willmott Adolescent Boys of East London (1969) 55: They would often try to move on from kissing to sexual play; as they put it, they ‘titted a girl up.’.

completely; esp. in ripped to the tits under ripped adj.¹

1972		B. Rodgers Queens’ Vernacular 198: stoned to the tit[s] very intoxicated from drugs, booze, you name it (you take it) [...] to the tits [...] a lot, utmost.
1995		J. Stahl Permanent Midnight 263: I was [...] jacked to the tits.
1999		J. Stahl Perv (2001) 311: I am bummed! [...] I am bummed to the tits.
2006		(con. 1972) Jurgenson & Cea Circle of Six 12: [M]en in Kevlar helmets and flak-jackets, all strapped to the tits with fully automatic carbines and shotguns.

see tough titty under titty n.

see up to one’s armpits under armpit n.

(US/Aus.) utterly useless (cf. tits on a bull ).

1930		D.M. Garrison ‘Song of the Pipeline’ in Botkin Folk-Say 107: You’re just as useless as tits on a boar hog.
c.1940		‘The Castration of the Strawberry Roan’ in G. Logsdon Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing (1995) 95: When all of a sudden he lands on all four, / That bastard’s as useless as tits on a boar.
1953		Randolph & Wilson Down in the Holler 175: Useless as tits on a boar hog is another common expression of futility.
1972		R.A. Wilson Playboy’s Book of Forbidden Words 73: Something useless or superfluous [...] worthless as tits on a hog.
1976		H. Garner Legs of the Lame 95: [H]e was probably as useless as tits on a nun to any woman in bed.
1988		McGill Dict. of Kiwi Sl. 118/1: useless as a tit on a hand / as a gumdigger’s dog very useless.
1990		Plays Int’l 6 45: But if you don't know how to sell it , talent is about as much good as tits on a nun.
1999		G. Seal Lingo 88: Bodily and mental afflictions, real, imagined or fervently wished, also feature strongly in Lingo. One can [...] have a face like a busted sandshoe; be useless as tits on a nun.
2001		G. Coughlan Everyday Eng. and Sl. 🌐 As useless as tits on a bull.
2016		W. Patching Mutilated [ebook] That information was, as Daniel put it, ‘As worthless as tits on a nun’.
2012		K. Jones (ed.) Long Island Noir 264: Samsonite luggage that [...] had about as much utility for his wife as tits on a nun.

a semi-euph. var. on my arse! under arse n.

1955		J.P. Donleavy Ginger Man (1958) 357: ‘Surely you’re joking.’ ‘Joking, me tit.’.
1955		D. Niland Shiralee 179: ‘Booze me tit!’ Macauley snapped.
1969		L. Schecter Jocks 169: STENGEL: What kind of hours you been keeping, Kanehl? KANEHL: Good hours, Case. STENGEL: Good hours my tit.